These are actual top ten lists used on David Letterman's show. I copy the titles and come up with my own versions
Top ten things going through the Chilean miners’ minds as they were being towed up
1. If they tow me up a little quicker, I can beat rush hour traffic on the Trans-Atacama Expressway.
2. If my wife doesn’t show up, I’m just gonna passionately kiss the first woman I see
3. I’m finally gonna get to find out what happened on the series finale of Lost!
4. Sure we were all friends in the cave because we needed each other for survival, but I’ll bet Jose will be too cool to talk to us when we get back on the outside
5. Who was taking in the mail while I was gone?
6. Honestly, I was starting to like the cave
7. Ah man, I left my wallet down there
8. Next time, I go down a mine like that, I’m taking out an insurance policy
9. We weren’t really starving. There was actually an Olive Garden down there, but the whole being without food or water angle plays better for the media
10. Man, if I get out and learn that Chile lost in the 2nd round of the World Cup to Brazil by more than 2 goals, I’m just gonna go back down to the cave for another four years
Top 10 Barack Obama enemies:
10. The members of his staff who keep asking him about his birth certificate
9. Oil
8. Vinegar-Worse for your sodium intake than oil at the salad table and faaar more tempting
7. Education Seceretary Arne Duncan-The bastard is white, plays basketball better than him and outscored him on the SATs. Hates him.
6. Jay Leno-Barack lives to watch Conan at night and Jay took that away from him
5. Former Chicago Bulls Kirk Hinrich and Ben Gordon-No one leaves the Chicago Bulls as a free agent for more money under Obama’s watch
4. The Punahou High School coach who opted not to start Barack Obama on his high school team. Oh sure, they had a nice photo op in the Oval Office last year, but it was all a facade.
3. Sunlight-It melts him
2. The ladies on the View-Completely humiliated him by asking him pop culture questions he didn’t know the answer to
1. Sarah Palin-duh
Thanks for reading, and as usual, be sure to click on my links: http://www.helium.com/users/456988/show_articles
Showing posts with label Letterman top ten lists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Letterman top ten lists. Show all posts
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
more top 10 lists
This is where I look at a top ten list of David Letterman and create my own version:
Top 10 Ways in Which Barack Obama celebrated his birthday
10. Invited Tony Hawk over to show him how to do a wheelie over the West Wing staircase bannister
9. Wrote a card to Helen Thomas wishing her happy birthday but kindly requesting that she stay far away from him this year
8. Got a "one free dunk on me" gift certificate from Reggie Love
7. Put on floaties, an inner tube, a snorkel and his aquaman action figures and went on an underwater adventure in the Howard Taft bathtub
6. Appointed a Cake and Festivities czar
5. Got a "one free dunk on me" gift certificate from Michelle Obama
4. Read People Magazine instead of the usual 10-page memo he gets every morning about the days' current events
3. Pranked Joe Biden by telling him that he was thinking of going with Newt Gingrich as his running mate
2. Returned to his birthplace in Kenya where he sacrificed a goat and drank its blood with the medicine doctor who presided over his secret, undocumented birth
1. Drank a lot of tequilla and then drunk dialed all surviving members of the Nixon Administration because he hates that ugly portrait of him in the hallway outside the Oval Office
10 Ten Surprises at Chelsea Clinton’s Wedding:
10. A no-bid contract was procured for a DJ
9. Bill’s toast lasts 35 minutes and requires a teleprompter.
8. By sheer coincidence, Jack Abramoff was one of the waiters on the catering staff
7. Against the groom’s insistence, Secret service to escort Chelsea and husband on Honeymoon
6. Bill collected $200,000 in appearance fees
5. When it was time to say I do, the groom says “It depends on your definition of ‘do’” and winks to his irritated father-in-law
4. George HW Bush is Bill’s +1.
3. Because of conflict-of-interest rules between Cabinet level officials and lobbyists, Hillary wasn’t aloud to talk to over half of the guests
2. A two-thirds majority was required to get the Conga line moving in style
1. The actual wedding was a 12-person affair two weeks ago. This is just an excuse for Bill and Hillary to mingle with potential donors.
Top 10 Ways in Which Barack Obama celebrated his birthday
10. Invited Tony Hawk over to show him how to do a wheelie over the West Wing staircase bannister
9. Wrote a card to Helen Thomas wishing her happy birthday but kindly requesting that she stay far away from him this year
8. Got a "one free dunk on me" gift certificate from Reggie Love
7. Put on floaties, an inner tube, a snorkel and his aquaman action figures and went on an underwater adventure in the Howard Taft bathtub
6. Appointed a Cake and Festivities czar
5. Got a "one free dunk on me" gift certificate from Michelle Obama
4. Read People Magazine instead of the usual 10-page memo he gets every morning about the days' current events
3. Pranked Joe Biden by telling him that he was thinking of going with Newt Gingrich as his running mate
2. Returned to his birthplace in Kenya where he sacrificed a goat and drank its blood with the medicine doctor who presided over his secret, undocumented birth
1. Drank a lot of tequilla and then drunk dialed all surviving members of the Nixon Administration because he hates that ugly portrait of him in the hallway outside the Oval Office
10 Ten Surprises at Chelsea Clinton’s Wedding:
10. A no-bid contract was procured for a DJ
9. Bill’s toast lasts 35 minutes and requires a teleprompter.
8. By sheer coincidence, Jack Abramoff was one of the waiters on the catering staff
7. Against the groom’s insistence, Secret service to escort Chelsea and husband on Honeymoon
6. Bill collected $200,000 in appearance fees
5. When it was time to say I do, the groom says “It depends on your definition of ‘do’” and winks to his irritated father-in-law
4. George HW Bush is Bill’s +1.
3. Because of conflict-of-interest rules between Cabinet level officials and lobbyists, Hillary wasn’t aloud to talk to over half of the guests
2. A two-thirds majority was required to get the Conga line moving in style
1. The actual wedding was a 12-person affair two weeks ago. This is just an excuse for Bill and Hillary to mingle with potential donors.
Monday, September 13, 2010
my own version of David Letterman's top ten lists
Lately, I've been working on my sense of humor and creativity. I've been submitting stuff to humor sites. I find that a lot of being funny in the written word comes down to phrasing. One exercise in creativity recently I've been doing is looking up the titles David Letterman's top ten lists at cbs.com's website and thinking of my own ideas.
Some of them I'm really good at thinking up endless ideas for. Others less so. I was kind of stumped with "top ten ways Barack Obama celebrated his birthday" or "top ten things going through Ellen Degeneres' mind"
Here are a couple I did recently. I suppose because I'm a basketball fan, and because I was a geography major and spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about the relationships between states, cities and federal government, I hit my stride with these two.
As I go to bed, I'll use the space between when I turn out the lights in a couple minutes and when I fall asleep to try to think of my version of Letterman's recent top ten list: "the top ten questions on the American Idol judge application"
Top ten signs your governor is losing it:
1. He rejects the stimulus funds, saying “No thanks, I can get Viagra for waaay less than that”
2. He pushes the state legislature to add Martians to the list of illegal aliens
3. In a bid raise state funds, auctions off the naming rights to the state capitol
4. Can’t pronounce the name of his own state and he’s not even Austrian
5. Has to be repeatedly be told by staff members that it’s not really feasible to conquer any neighboring states
6. Unaware that he’s entitled to the governor’s mansion, he stays at the Days Inn to save money
7. His reelection campaign motto is “At least I stayed until the end of my term (hint, hint: Sarah Palin)”
8. Recently Joined the birther movement.
9. Dismissed the state highway commissioner because he wanted to see flying cars from Back to the Future
10. Vetoed the state budget because it wasn’t presented with any cool or easy-to-read graphs and charts
Top ten reasons LeBron James joined the Miami Heat:
1. I wanted to be closer to my Hispanic roots. My real name is actually LeBron Jaime
2. You mean Miami isn’t in Ohio? (Play on Miami University which is in Oxford, Ohio)
3. I really feel like there's a budding bromance between me and Mario Chalmers
4. None of the players are attractive enough that my mom would sleep with them
5. Cleveland has the rock and roll hall of fame but I’m more of a salsa guy
6. I love the cuisine…especially the Chic-Fill-A at the Miami Airport
7. Miami Sea Aquarium gave me a 15% discount on admission
8. I was tired of playing second fiddle to Jamario Moon. In Miami, I might be the best player on the court
9. I would say I was making the best decision for me and my kids, but let’s be honest….my kids are easily pleased when they have a dad who can afford to buy them millions of dollars worth of presents, so it was pretty much me, me and me
10. Pat Reilly promised me if I don’t tell anyone, he’ll let me fly the team plane
Some of them I'm really good at thinking up endless ideas for. Others less so. I was kind of stumped with "top ten ways Barack Obama celebrated his birthday" or "top ten things going through Ellen Degeneres' mind"
Here are a couple I did recently. I suppose because I'm a basketball fan, and because I was a geography major and spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about the relationships between states, cities and federal government, I hit my stride with these two.
As I go to bed, I'll use the space between when I turn out the lights in a couple minutes and when I fall asleep to try to think of my version of Letterman's recent top ten list: "the top ten questions on the American Idol judge application"
Top ten signs your governor is losing it:
1. He rejects the stimulus funds, saying “No thanks, I can get Viagra for waaay less than that”
2. He pushes the state legislature to add Martians to the list of illegal aliens
3. In a bid raise state funds, auctions off the naming rights to the state capitol
4. Can’t pronounce the name of his own state and he’s not even Austrian
5. Has to be repeatedly be told by staff members that it’s not really feasible to conquer any neighboring states
6. Unaware that he’s entitled to the governor’s mansion, he stays at the Days Inn to save money
7. His reelection campaign motto is “At least I stayed until the end of my term (hint, hint: Sarah Palin)”
8. Recently Joined the birther movement.
9. Dismissed the state highway commissioner because he wanted to see flying cars from Back to the Future
10. Vetoed the state budget because it wasn’t presented with any cool or easy-to-read graphs and charts
Top ten reasons LeBron James joined the Miami Heat:
1. I wanted to be closer to my Hispanic roots. My real name is actually LeBron Jaime
2. You mean Miami isn’t in Ohio? (Play on Miami University which is in Oxford, Ohio)
3. I really feel like there's a budding bromance between me and Mario Chalmers
4. None of the players are attractive enough that my mom would sleep with them
5. Cleveland has the rock and roll hall of fame but I’m more of a salsa guy
6. I love the cuisine…especially the Chic-Fill-A at the Miami Airport
7. Miami Sea Aquarium gave me a 15% discount on admission
8. I was tired of playing second fiddle to Jamario Moon. In Miami, I might be the best player on the court
9. I would say I was making the best decision for me and my kids, but let’s be honest….my kids are easily pleased when they have a dad who can afford to buy them millions of dollars worth of presents, so it was pretty much me, me and me
10. Pat Reilly promised me if I don’t tell anyone, he’ll let me fly the team plane
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