Monday, September 13, 2010

my own version of David Letterman's top ten lists

Lately, I've been working on my sense of humor and creativity. I've been submitting stuff to humor sites. I find that a lot of being funny in the written word comes down to phrasing. One exercise in creativity recently I've been doing is looking up the titles David Letterman's top ten lists at cbs.com's website and thinking of my own ideas.

Some of them I'm really good at thinking up endless ideas for. Others less so. I was kind of stumped with "top ten ways Barack Obama celebrated his birthday" or "top ten things going through Ellen Degeneres' mind"

Here are a couple I did recently. I suppose because I'm a basketball fan, and because I was a geography major and spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about the relationships between states, cities and federal government, I hit my stride with these two.

As I go to bed, I'll use the space between when I turn out the lights in a couple minutes and when I fall asleep to try to think of my version of Letterman's recent top ten list: "the top ten questions on the American Idol judge application"

Top ten signs your governor is losing it:
1. He rejects the stimulus funds, saying “No thanks, I can get Viagra for waaay less than that”
2. He pushes the state legislature to add Martians to the list of illegal aliens
3. In a bid raise state funds, auctions off the naming rights to the state capitol
4. Can’t pronounce the name of his own state and he’s not even Austrian
5. Has to be repeatedly be told by staff members that it’s not really feasible to conquer any neighboring states
6. Unaware that he’s entitled to the governor’s mansion, he stays at the Days Inn to save money
7. His reelection campaign motto is “At least I stayed until the end of my term (hint, hint: Sarah Palin)”
8. Recently Joined the birther movement.
9. Dismissed the state highway commissioner because he wanted to see flying cars from Back to the Future
10. Vetoed the state budget because it wasn’t presented with any cool or easy-to-read graphs and charts

Top ten reasons LeBron James joined the Miami Heat:
1. I wanted to be closer to my Hispanic roots. My real name is actually LeBron Jaime
2. You mean Miami isn’t in Ohio? (Play on Miami University which is in Oxford, Ohio)
3. I really feel like there's a budding bromance between me and Mario Chalmers
4. None of the players are attractive enough that my mom would sleep with them
5. Cleveland has the rock and roll hall of fame but I’m more of a salsa guy
6. I love the cuisine…especially the Chic-Fill-A at the Miami Airport
7. Miami Sea Aquarium gave me a 15% discount on admission
8. I was tired of playing second fiddle to Jamario Moon. In Miami, I might be the best player on the court
9. I would say I was making the best decision for me and my kids, but let’s be honest….my kids are easily pleased when they have a dad who can afford to buy them millions of dollars worth of presents, so it was pretty much me, me and me
10. Pat Reilly promised me if I don’t tell anyone, he’ll let me fly the team plane

1 comment:

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