Friday, September 17, 2010

more top 10 lists

This is where I look at a top ten list of David Letterman and create my own version:

Top 10 Ways in Which Barack Obama celebrated his birthday
10. Invited Tony Hawk over to show him how to do a wheelie over the West Wing staircase bannister
9. Wrote a card to Helen Thomas wishing her happy birthday but kindly requesting that she stay far away from him this year
8. Got a "one free dunk on me" gift certificate from Reggie Love
7. Put on floaties, an inner tube, a snorkel and his aquaman action figures and went on an underwater adventure in the Howard Taft bathtub
6. Appointed a Cake and Festivities czar
5. Got a "one free dunk on me" gift certificate from Michelle Obama
4. Read People Magazine instead of the usual 10-page memo he gets every morning about the days' current events
3. Pranked Joe Biden by telling him that he was thinking of going with Newt Gingrich as his running mate
2. Returned to his birthplace in Kenya where he sacrificed a goat and drank its blood with the medicine doctor who presided over his secret, undocumented birth
1. Drank a lot of tequilla and then drunk dialed all surviving members of the Nixon Administration because he hates that ugly portrait of him in the hallway outside the Oval Office

10 Ten Surprises at Chelsea Clinton’s Wedding:
10. A no-bid contract was procured for a DJ
9. Bill’s toast lasts 35 minutes and requires a teleprompter.
8. By sheer coincidence, Jack Abramoff was one of the waiters on the catering staff
7. Against the groom’s insistence, Secret service to escort Chelsea and husband on Honeymoon
6. Bill collected $200,000 in appearance fees
5. When it was time to say I do, the groom says “It depends on your definition of ‘do’” and winks to his irritated father-in-law
4. George HW Bush is Bill’s +1.
3. Because of conflict-of-interest rules between Cabinet level officials and lobbyists, Hillary wasn’t aloud to talk to over half of the guests
2. A two-thirds majority was required to get the Conga line moving in style
1. The actual wedding was a 12-person affair two weeks ago. This is just an excuse for Bill and Hillary to mingle with potential donors.

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