Sunday, April 30, 2017

My 60 favorite film quotes Part II

This is a continuation of Part I of my 60 favorite movie quotes. These are really 31-60 but I could not get the formatting to work. I will try to edit this later. 

1.    Cory: Can I ask you a question? [pause]  How come you ain't never liked me?
Troy: Like you? What law is there sayin' I got to like you?
Cory: None.
Troy: All right then. Don't you eat every day? Answer me when I talk to you! Don't you eat every day?
Cory: Yeah...
Troy: As long as you're in my house you put a "Sir" on the end of it when you talk to me.
Cory: Yes, Sir.
Troy: You eat every day?
Cory: Yes, Sir.
Troy: You got a roof over you head?
Cory: Yes, Sir.
Troy: Got clothes on your back?
Cory: Yes, Sir.
Troy: Why you think that is?
Cory: 'Cause of you?
Troy: [chuckles] Hell, I know it's 'cause of me. But why do you think that is?
Cory: 'Cause you like me?
Troy: Like you? I go outta here every morning, I bust my butt 'cause I like you? You're about the biggest fool I ever saw. A man is supposed to take care of his family. You live in my house, feed your belly with my food, put your behind on my bed because you're my son. It's my duty to take care of you, I owe a responsibility to you, I ain't got to like you! Now, I gave everything I got to give you! I gave you your life! Me and your Mama worked out between us and liking your black ass wasn't part of the bargain! Now don't you go through life worrying about whether somebody like you or not!
-Fences (2016)

I was rooting for the other guy to get the Oscar this past year but I have a new appreciation for Denzel Washington after seeing him pop up everywhere on my list. This line seems cruel on the surface (and out of context) but it’s absolutely 100% true.

2.    Muse: Look at me.
Captain Richard Phillips: Sure.
Muse: Look at me.
Captain Richard Phillips: Sure.
Muse: I'm the captain now.
            -Captain Phillips (2013)
This film has tons of good dialogue and hopefully was rewarded properly during the awards season. It’s also a nice coincidence that the film’s best line ended up being an indelible catchphrase that memed its way across culture for a good while.

3.    Katsumoto: And who was your general?
Algren: Don't you have a rebellion to lead?
Katsumoto: People in your country do not like conversation?
Algren: He was a lieutenant colonel. His name was Custer.
Katsumoto: I know this name. He killed many warriors
Algren: Oh, yes. Many warriors.
Katsumoto: So he was a good general.
Algren: No. No, he wasn't a good general. He was arrogant and foolhardy. And he got massacred because he took a single battalion against two thousand angry Indians.
Katsumoto: Two thousand Indians? How many men for Custer?
Algren: Two hundred and eleven.
Katsumoto: I like this General Custer.
Algren: He was a murderer who fell in love with his own legend. And his troopers died for it.
Katsumoto: I think this is a very good death.
Algren: Well, maybe you can have one just like it someday.
-Last Samurai (2003)

This is a film with great dialogue and this snippet displays pretty well Katsumoto’s tendency to talk circuitously through the cultural looking glass while also showing that Algren’s a very dynamic character. This conversation happens early in his development and foreshadows the way the two will go into battle together .

4.    Woody Allen: I thought of that old joke, y'know, the, this... this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us... need the eggs.
-Annie Hall (1977)

I’m not a humongous fan of Woody Allen relative to the average cinemaphile and, even then, find “Annie Hall” to be one of his less interesting films, but this line is profoundly true about relationships.

5.    Pinky: Me and the boys talked it over. We think you're a really straight fellow.
M. Gustave: Well, I've never been accused of that before, but I appreciate the sentiment.
-Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)

6.    Blanche Lovell: Well don't you worry, honey. If they could get a washing machine to fly, my Jimmy could land it.
-Apollo 13 (1995)

7.    Brick Tamland: I love... carpet.
Brick Tamland: I love... desk.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, are you just looking at things in the office and saying that you love them?
Brick Tamland: I love lamp.
Ron Burgundy: Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying it because you saw it?
Brick Tamland: I love lamp. I love lamp.
-Anchorman: Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)

8.    Daniel Dravot: Peachy, I'm heartily ashamed for gettin' you killed instead of going home rich like you deserved to, on account of me bein' so bleedin' high and bloody mighty. Can you forgive me?
Peachy Carnehan: That I can and that I do, Danny, free and full and without let or hindrance.
Daniel Dravot: Everything's all right then.
-The Man Who Would Be King (1975)

A wonderful and underrated John Huston film. These lines are being said as two British soldiers in the Rudyard Kipling era (let’s call it 1850-1950, I’m too lazy to look it up) seek to break from their Indian posts to take charge of a third world country. Danny (Michael Caine) is expressing his regrets as Peachy (Sean Connery) is about to be stoned in a violent coup d’etat. Mess with the third world at your own risk, lads.

9.    Raymond Shaw: Are we friends, Ben? I wanna believe we were friends.
Ben Marco: We are connected and that's something nobody can take from us. You coulda had me locked up, but you didn't. That's proof that there's something deep inside. There's a part that they can't get to. And it's deep inside of us. And that's where the truth is.
-The Manchurian Candidate (2004)

Yes, I’m referring to the remake, don’t laugh. I have plenty of fondness for this version even if it’s nowhere near the late Jonothan Demme’s high-water mark. The gravity of Denzel Washington’s performance makes this a very powerful moment upon which the third act hinges. 

10.  Joseph Palmi: Let me ask you something... we Italians, we got our families, and we got the church; the Irish, they have the homeland, Jews their tradition; even the niggers, they got their music. What about you people, Mr. Wilson, what do you have?
Edward Wilson: The United States of America. The rest of you are just visiting.
-The Good Shepherd (2006)

Matt Damon stars here as the enigmatic Ed Wilson who is a Forrest Gump of sorts for the CIA and the U.S.’s dark underbelly. Wilson is a blank slate of upper class white privilege: a man recruited straight out of Yale into the Skull and Crossbones Society and goes on to do bad things (torture, betrayal, a shotgun marriage, etc.) without ever really questioning his orders. We never get that much of a sense for what makes him tick but this is the closest we get to his views is in this exchange. Joe Pesci plays Palmi in a rare departure from retirement here.

11.  Sam Lowry: I only know you got the wrong man.
Jack Lint: Information Transit got the wrong man. I got the *right* man. The wrong one was delivered to me as the right man, I accepted him on good faith as the right man. Was I wrong?
-Brazil (1985)

The word play here accentuates the all-encompassing bureaucracy that drives Sam Lowry to madness.

12.  Whip Whitaker: Katarina Marquez did not drink the vodka because I drank the vodka bottles on the plane. I drank the three bottles on the plane.
Ellen Block: Captain Whitaker, on the three nights before the accident, October 11th---
Whip Whitaker: October 11th, October 12th, October 13th and 14th, I was intoxicated, I drank all of those days, I drank in excess.
Ellen Block: On the morning of the accident?
Whip Whitaker: I was drunk….I’m drunk now. I’m drunk right now, Mrs Block…because I’m an alcoholic
-Flight (2012)

This breakdown occurs during a hearing after Whitaker has been deceiving himself and others in a court of law. Shame on you IMDB for not having this up and making me have to transcribe this on YouTube.

13.  Harvey Milk: I ask for the movement to continue. Because it's not about personal gain, not about ego, not about power... it's about the "us's" out there. Not only gays, but the Blacks, the Asians, the disabled, the seniors, the us's. Without hope, the us's give up - I know you cannot live on hope alone, but without it, life is not worth living. So you, and you, and you... You gotta give em' hope... you gotta give em' hope.
-Milk (2008)

I find myself thinking this all the time when it comes to politics or causes. Hope is an underlooked ingredient when it comes to keeping people sane in a world beyond their control. Conversely, hope can be used negatively but I prefer the way the late Harvey Milk spoke about it with nothing but optimism.

14.  Michael O’Hara: I never make up my mind until it’s over and done with
-The Lady from Shanghai (1947)

This was one of the few quotes that wasn’t on IMDB so I’m not sure if I have it right, but the basic idea is that O’Hara is a man who doesn’t actually make conscious decisions about his plans. Life just happens and whichever way the current takes him is often where he ends up. His only agency, therefore, is allowing himself to be swept up in wherever life takes him.  I often find this sentiment comforting as so much of my stress comes from having to make a decision and I can view this as a worst-case scenario. 

15.  Jerry Maguire: Help me…help you. Help me. help you. Help me help you!
-Jerry MaGuire (1996)
16.  Freddy: Come on man, we're on a mission. One great rock show can change the world... look out the window...
Dewey Finn: [seeing bus and students] No way! That's so punk rock.
-School of Rock (2003)

17.  Andy Dufresne: [to Red] I guess it comes down a simple choice: Get busy living, or get busy dying.
-Shawshank Redemption (1994)

18.  Vernon Hardapple: Why did you keep writing this book if you didn't even know what it was about?
Grady Tripp: I couldn't stop.
-Wonder Boys (2000)

19.  Lawrence Garfield: Amen. And amen. And amen. You have to forgive me. I'm not familiar with the local custom. Where I come from, you always say "Amen" after you hear a prayer. Because that's what you just heard - a prayer. Where I come from, that particular prayer is called "The Prayer for the Dead." You just heard The Prayer for the Dead, my fellow stockholders, and you didn't say, "Amen." This company is dead. I didn't kill it. Don't blame me. It was dead when I got here. It's too late for prayers. For even if the prayers were answered, and a miracle occurred, and the yen did this, and the dollar did that, and the infrastructure did the other thing, we would still be dead. You know why? Fiber optics. New technologies. Obsolescence. We're dead alright. We're just not broke. And you know the surest way to go broke? Keep getting an increasing share of a shrinking market. Down the tubes. Slow but sure. You know, at one time there must've been dozens of companies making buggy whips. And I'll bet the last company around was the one that made the best goddamn buggy whip you ever saw. Now how would you have liked to have been a stockholder in that company? You invested in a business and this business is dead. Let's have the intelligence, let's have the decency to sign the death certificate, collect the insurance, and invest in something with a future. "Ah, but we can't," goes the prayer. "We can't because we have responsibility, a responsibility to our employees, to our community. What will happen to them?" I got two words for that: Who cares? Care about them? Why? They didn't care about you. They sucked you dry. You have no responsibility to them. For the last ten years this company bled your money. Did this community ever say, "We know times are tough. We'll lower taxes, reduce water and sewer." Check it out: You're paying twice what you did ten years ago. And our devoted employees, who have taken no increases for the past three years, are still making twice what they made ten years ago; and our stock - one-sixth what it was ten years ago. Who cares? I'll tell you. Me. I'm not your best friend. I'm your only friend. I don't make anything? I'm making you money. And lest we forget, that's the only reason any of you became stockholders in the first place. You want to make money! You don't care if they manufacture wire and cable, fried chicken, or grow tangerines! You want to make money! I'm the only friend you've got. I'm making you money. Take the money. Invest it somewhere else. Maybe, maybe you'll get lucky and it'll be used productively. And if it is, you'll create new jobs and provide a service for the economy and, God forbid, even make a few bucks for yourselves. And if anybody asks, tell 'em ya gave at the plant. And by the way, it pleases me that I am called "Larry the Liquidator." You know why, fellow stockholders? Because at my funeral, you'll leave with a smile on your face and a few bucks in your pocket. Now that's a funeral worth having!
-Other People’s Money (1991)

I was thinking of putting Wall Street’s “Greed is Good” but why not use up more word space with this Danny DeVito monologue. When my dad went to a leadership training seminar late in his career, they played both this and the Gregory Peck speech.

20.  Mr. Memory: Am I right sir?
-The 39 Steps (1935)

In arguably Hitchcock’s best film from his British period, Mr. Memory is a genius who turns his memorization skills into a sideshow act by  answering esoteric audience questions. After each answer, he follows it with the phrase “Am I right sir?” But he’s more than that: He is used by saboteurs to transmit a secret message. The hero (Robert Donat) exposes the secret  simply by asking for the mysterious secret in front of an open crowd, causing Mr. Memory to get shot. As he’s dying, Mr. Memory asks “Am I right sir?” which is a deliciously macabre bit of irony.

21.  Stacey: You get lonely?
Cheryl: Honestly? I'm lonelier in my real life than I am out here…. My mother used to say something that drove me nuts. There is a sunrise and a sunset every day and you can choose to be there for it. You can put yourself in the way of beauty.
-Wild (2014)

22.  Henry Drummond: Can't you understand? That if you take a law like evolution and you make it a crime to teach it in the public schools, tomorrow you can make it a crime to teach it in the private schools? And tomorrow you may make it a crime to read about it. And soon you may ban books and newspapers. And then you may turn Catholic against Protestant, and Protestant against Protestant, and try to foist your own religion upon the mind of man. If you can do one, you can do the other. Because fanaticism and ignorance is forever busy, and needs feeding. And soon, your Honor, with banners flying and with drums beating we'll be marching backward, BACKWARD, through the glorious ages of that Sixteenth Century when bigots burned the man who dared bring enlightenment and intelligence to the human mind!
Judge: I hope counsel does not mean to imply that this court is bigoted.
Henry Drummond: Well, your honor has the right to hope.
Judge: I have the right to do more than that.
Henry Drummond: You have the power to do more than that.
-Inherit the Wind (1960)

I was torn between this and the breakdown between the alliance of Drummond (Spencer Tracy) and E.M. Hornbeck (a brilliant Gene Kelly) that left me feeling bittersweet at film’s end since it’s how the film chooses to close out. The two are both sides of the same coin. Drummond pushes for justice here and delivers another big “the reason you suck” speech, but there’s a danger that he’s in love with the principle of justice more than whether what he’s doing is good or bad.

23.  Ricky Bobby: Wait, Dad. Don't you remember the time you told me "If you ain't first, you're last"?
Reese Bobby: Huh? What are you talking about, Son?
Ricky Bobby: That day at school.
Reese Bobby: Oh hell, Son, I was high that day. That doesn't make any sense at all, you can be second, third, fourth... hell you can even be fifth.
-Talladega Nights (2006)

Adam McKay and Will Ferrell are adept enough with scenes that a man’s credo since childhood being shattered can have pathos while still being heavily comic. Listing out all the places beyond first is a good way to play with the denseness of many of the characters in this story that’s ultimately quite sweet.  “Hell, you can even be fifth” is a pretty solid kicker.

24.  Verbal Kint: The Biggest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist
-The Usual Suspects (1995)

25.  Kathleen Kelly: Last night I went to meet you, and you weren't there. I wish I knew why. I felt so foolish. And as I waited, someone else showed up: a man who has made my professional life a misery. And an amazing thing happened. I was able, for the first time in my life to say the exact thing I wanted to say at the exact moment I wanted to say it. And, of course, afterwards, I felt terrible, just as you said I would. I was cruel, and I'm never cruel.
-You’ve Got Mail (1998)

Even in a film that wasn’t particularly strong, the late Nora Ephron was extremely gifted at observational humor (it’s no surprise she was a best-selling author outside of the standard celebrity memoir genre) that she translated into very personal characters. This line is so relatable for two reasons: My life is filled with moments that I wish I could have redone ten minutes after the fact, and secondly, getting a moment right, often leads to rushing those words out in such a way that your morals or tact might not arrive in time. 

26.  Guidance Counselor: Why do you want to go to college so badly?
Shaun: Because it’s what you DO after college
Ashley: You want to run away. You want to be free of everybody. And you think by coming up here, you're gonna' meet people who are smarter, and saner... and better. You know, if you went to Stanford, that'd be the end of us. It doesn't seem to me that thought's ever crossed your mind.
Shaun: Oh, Ashley, come on!
Ashley: Shaun, I'm sorry you didn't get into Stanford. But if you think that going here is the only way that you can be the person you want to be, well, then I just feel sorry for you.
-Orange County (2002)

Some of these quotes were obtained by memories of when they first impacted me. I watched this film in the early stages of college so it spoke to me about the façade of the college system as some sort of Shangri-la of advancement. While college is an experience we undoubtedly enjoy, we all go there because where else would we go? Later in the film,  Shaun (Colin Hanks) realizes the true limitations of his dream.

27.  Worf: If you were but any other man, I would kill you where you stand
-Star Trek First Contact (1995)
I’m not that big of a fan of the Next Generation as great character studies. All seven leads were extremely static characters which is why Worf saying something so out of line hits you considering, Worf and company rarely surprise

28.  Jimmy Dugan: Are you crying? Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING? There's no crying! THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!
-League of their Own (1992)

What most people might miss who view this line out of context is that this moment represents a lot of growth for Dugan who started out being completely apathetic to his lady baseball players.

29.  Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
-Billy Madison (1995)
Make no mistake, this is a terrible film but even bad films can have a flash of comic intelligence here or there.

30.  Carl Hanraty: Then why are you calling me?
Frank Abagnale Jr: I just wanted to say Merry Christmas
-Catch Me If You Can (2002)

Catch Me If You Can is a historical fallacy (Carl Hanraty didn’t really exist in real life) but a rather touching one at that. Hanraty is a Javert-like-figure for Abergnale Jr. but this exchange of dialogue shows that he might be the closest thing he has to a father in a messed-up way.


My 60 Favorite Film Quotes: Part I

Sorry, I can't get the formatting right on this one. Anywho, I was never particularly impressed with the idea of memorializing film through memorable lines of dialogue. Quoting a single line is more of a parlor trick and the way lines live on in pop culture like "We're gonna need a bigger boat," "Here's looking at you kid" and "I'll get you my pretty" aren't any more welcome to cultural discourse than modern-day memes are. Besides, the conversation should shift to films that have great dialogue throughout the entire movie. Nevertheless, I was recently convinced otherwise by my good friend Adam Spector in a recent roundtable discussion and especially after seeing his list. I'm offering one of my own and following his ground rules for not including more than one from any one film, I'll split this up in two as well. Apologies for the weird formatting:

1.    Fran Kubelick: Shut up and deal
-The Apartment (1960)

A perfect last line to dampen any potential sappiness of a love story that’s light-hearted comedy with pretty dark undertones

2.    Luke: What we've got here is a failure to communicate
 -Cool Hand Luke (1967)

This is somewhat of a shocker of a scene because it’s really hard to figure out what will happen on first viewing. Luke is ultimately a fool but he’s so charismatic and crafty that you feel like it’s roughly 50/50 odds that he will come out on top in this moment.

3.    Schwartz: Well, Hank was a great detective all right.
Tanya: And a lousy cop.
Schwartz: Is that all you have to say for him?
Tanya: He was some kind of a man... What does it matter what you say about people?
-Touch of Evil (1958)

This extremely rich character study is sort of an anti-“rosebud” of sorts. Whereas “Citizen Kane” was about getting to the bottom of a person’s external identity, “Touch of Evil” is more noirish and  reaches the darker conclusion that you simply can’t know about a person so such characterizations are useless.

4.    Yolanda Johnson: How about just a moment of silence?
Garrison Keillor: Silence on the radio... I don't know how that works. 
-Prairie Home Companion  (2006) 

This ranks so high because it perfectly encapsulates the character of “Garrison Keillor” (who, yes, is a real person) as a man whose aloof adherence to routine make him as comfortable with death as he will ever be. Keillor’s congenial stubbornness is echoed many times throughout the film and echoes director Robert Altman’s unpublicized life-ending illness between when this film was made and its subsequent release.

5.    Clarence: [In book inscription] Remember, George: no man is a failure who has friends. --It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)
Or as they say in the 2010s, no man is a failure who has candy crush requests whenever he logs into Facebook.

6.    Jake Gittes: Why are you doing it? How much better can you eat? What could you buy that you can't already afford?
Noah Cross: The future, Mr. Gittes! The future. Now, where's the girl? I want the only daughter I've got left. As you found out, Evelyn was lost to me a long time ago.
Jake Gittes: Who do you blame for that? Her?
Noah Cross: I don't blame myself. You see, Mr. Gittes, most people never have to face the fact that at the right time and the right place, they're capable of anything.
-Chinatown (1974)

Seems especially relevant in 2017 where several cabinet level positions are being filled by inexperienced millionaires and billionaires who are taking these positions for enigmatic reasons. Perhaps, it’s the future they want. The second two lines are an entirely separate thread but they are also among the most memorable lines of the movie and I had the convenience of not having to put ellipses.

7.    Colonel Dax: I apologize... for not being entirely honest with you. I apologize for not revealing my true feelings. I apologize, sir, for not telling you sooner that you're a degenerate, sadistic old man. And you can go to hell before I apologize to you now or ever again!
-Paths to Glory (1957)

The apotheosis of all films resolved through one whopper of a “fuck you” monologue.

8.      Blake: You certainly don't, pal, 'cause the good news is - you're fired. The bad news is - you've got, all of you've got just one week to regain your jobs starting with tonight. Starting with tonight's sit. Oh? Have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to this month's sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anyone wanna see second prize? Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired. Get the picture? You laughing now? You got leads. Mitch and Murray paid good money, get their names to sell them; you can't close the leads you're given, you can't close shit. You ARE shit. Hit the bricks, pal, and beat it 'cause you are going OUT.
-Glengarry Glenn Ross (1992)

Perhaps, the most famous example of a one-scene wonder. Alec Baldwin was not Oscar-nominated for his role here but it wouldn’t have been that strange if he was. 

9.    Phyllis: My husband. You were anxious to talk to him weren't you?
Walter Neff: Yeah, I was, but I'm sort of getting over the idea, if you know what I mean.
Phyllis: There's a speed limit in this state, Mr. Neff. Forty-five miles an hour.
Walter Neff: How fast was I going, officer?
Phyllis: I'd say around ninety.
Walter Neff: Suppose you get down off your motorcycle and give me a ticket.
Phyllis: Suppose I let you off with a warning this time.
Walter Neff: Suppose it doesn't take.
Phyllis: Suppose I have to whack you over the knuckles.
Walter Neff: Suppose I bust out crying and put my head on your shoulder.
Phyllis: Suppose you try putting it on my husband's shoulder.
-Double Indemnity (1944)

Exhibit A for the case against old movies being overly tame about sex. Also, exhibit A for how they just don’t like write dialogue like they used to.

10.  Jack Sparrow: Gentlemen, you’ll remember this as the day you almost caught Jack Sparrow
-Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)

The oft-repeated line that encapsulates Jack Sparrow’s larger-than-life quality. He not only talks about himself in the third person but as a future historical figure. How appropriately meta. 

11.  Roger Thornhill: Now you listen to me, I'm an advertising man, not a red herring. I've got a job, a secretary, a mother, two ex-wives and several bartenders that depend upon me, and I don't intend to disappoint them all by getting myself "slightly" killed.
-North by Northwest (1959)

12.  God: Grace. You want her back?
Bruce: No. I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now, through your eyes.
God: Now THAT'S a prayer.
-Bruce Almighty (2003)

A very simple lesson about love. If you haven’t seen the film, God is not some voice from above but Morgan Freeman in a white suit standing a few feet away from Bruce (Jim Carrey) so it’s a very grounded look at the nature of spiritual connection.

13.  Students: O Captain My Captain
Mr. Keating: Carry on boys
-Dead Poets Society (1989)

“Dead Poets Society” felt like a downer of a film to me when I watched it as a kid but as I grew up and realized the sometimes cruel logistics of keeping the adult world afloat, I realized how unlikely it would be that Mr. Keating would get invited back to school. In that context, to have the students defy their principal with his biggest lesson is sadly probably the best this innocent man can get. And the way he accepts it with humility and absolves his students of guilt is quite beautiful.

14.  Arthur Jensen: You have meddled with the primal forces of nature, Mr. Beale, and I won't have it! Is that clear? You think you've merely stopped a business deal. That is not the case! The Arabs have taken billions of dollars out of this country, and now they must put it back! It is ebb and flow, tidal gravity! It is ecological balance! You are an old man who thinks in terms of nations and peoples. There are no nations. There are no peoples. There are no Russians. There are no Arabs. There are no third worlds. There is no West. There is only one holistic system of systems, one vast and immane, interwoven, interacting, multivariate, multinational dominion of dollars. Petro-dollars, electro-dollars, multi-dollars, reichmarks, rins, rubles, pounds, and shekels. It is the international system of currency which determines the totality of life on this planet. That is the natural order of things today. That is the atomic and subatomic and galactic structure of things today! And YOU have meddled with the primal forces of nature, and YOU... WILL... ATONE! Am I getting through to you, Mr. Beale? You get up on your little twenty-one inch screen and howl about America and democracy. There is no America. There is no democracy. There is only IBM, and ITT, and AT&T, and DuPont, Dow, Union Carbide, and Exxon. Those are the nations of the world today. What do you think the Russians talk about in their councils of state, Karl Marx? They get out their linear programming charts, statistical decision theories, minimax solutions, and compute the price-cost probabilities of their transactions and investments, just like we do. We no longer live in a world of nations and ideologies, Mr. Beale. The world is a college of corporations, inexorably determined by the immutable bylaws of business. The world is a business, Mr. Beale. It has been since man crawled out of the slime. And our children will live, Mr. Beale, to see that... perfect world... in which there's no war or famine, oppression or brutality. One vast and ecumenical holding company, for whom all men will work to serve a common profit, in which all men will hold a share of stock. All necessities provided, all anxieties tranquilized, all boredom amused. And I have chosen you, Mr. Beale, to preach this evangel.
Howard Beale: Why me?
Arthur Jensen: Because you're on television, dummy.
-Network (1976)

Jensen (Ned Beatty who got Oscar-nominated for what was essentially a one-scene performance) spits this diatribe out so fast, it’s almost impossible to get it all on no matter how many times you see this film. This begs the question, why is Paddy Chayefsky writing such an insightful commentary on the state of the world in 1976 in a manner no one could hear but that’s just how Paddy rolls.  One cannot understate the impact of the way Ned Beatty comes across more like God then in quote #12 due to the cinematography and Beatty’s delivery.

15.  Harry Lime: Nobody thinks in terms of human beings. Governments don't. Why should we? They talk about the people and the proletariat, I talk about the suckers and the mugs - it's the same thing. They have their five-year plans, so have I.
Martins: You used to believe in God.
Harry Lime: Oh, I still do believe in God, old man. I believe in God and Mercy and all that. But the dead are happier dead. They don't miss much here, poor devils.
-The Third Man (1949)

16.  Joe: [trying to get Jerry to face reality regarding his engagement to Osgood] Jerry, Jerry, will you take my advice? Forget about the whole thing, will ya? Just keep telling yourself: you're a boy, you're a boy.
Jerry: I'm a boy.
Joe: That's the boy.
Jerry: [coming around] I'm a boy. I'm a boy. I wish I were dead. I'm a boy. Boy, oh boy, am I a boy. Now, what am I gonna do about my engagement present?
Joe: What engagement present?
Jerry: Osgood gave me a bracelet.
Joe: [takes it and inspects the stones with Beinstock's glasses] Hey, these are real diamonds!
Jerry: Of course they're real! What do you think? My fiance is a bum?
-Some Like it Hot (1959)

I wanted to do the “where are you going on your honeymoon” line but it’s not on IMDB.

17.  Dr. Otternschlag: Grand Hotel... always the same. People come, people go. Nothing ever happens.
–Grand Hotel (1932)

This line, of course, is a complete lie based on the story we’ve witnessed because almost everything imaginable has happened if Dr. Otternschlag was a wee bit more perceptive:  A man gained his self-confidence by telling off a man who mistreated him, a woman was left without a job, a man fell in love with a reclusive ballerina, a robber was exposed, a man was shot and another man arrested for the murder, two lost souls agreed to become travel companions to one another.

18.  Charlie Kaufman: Then, when you walked away, she started making fun of you with Kim Canetti. And it was like they were laughing at *me*. You didn't know at all. You seemed so happy.
Donald Kaufman: I knew. I heard them.
Charlie Kaufman: How come you looked so happy?
Donald Kaufman: I loved Sarah, Charles. It was mine, that love. I owned it. Even Sarah didn't have the right to take it away. I can love whoever I want.
Charlie Kaufman: But she thought you were pathetic.
Donald Kaufman: That was her business, not mine. You are what you love, not what loves you. That's what I decided a long time ago.
-Adaptation (2002)

19.  Tommy Johnson: I had to be up at that there crossroads last midnight, to sell my soul to the devil.
Ulysses Everett McGill: Well, ain't it a small world, spiritually speaking. Pete and Delmar just been baptized and saved. I guess I'm the only one that remains unaffiliated.
-O Brother Where Art Thou (2000)

This film is a love letter to Mississippi and the state’s most famous and peculiar piece of lore—Blues legend Robert Johnson selling his soul to the devil at the intersection of Highways 49 and 61 in Clarksdale—is mashed up here with early Christain mythology and topped up with the declaration that McGill (George Clooney) is still a religious free agent.

20.  Loki: Easy for you to say. You get off light in razing. You got to stand there and read at Sodom and Gomorrah, I had to do all the work.
Bartleby: What work did you do? You lit a few fires.
Loki: I rained down sulphur, man, there's a subtle difference.
Bartleby: Oh, yeah, I'm sure.
Loki: Hey, you know, fuck you, man. Any moron with a pack of matches can set a fire. Raining down sulphur is like an endurance trial man. Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, next to soccer.
-Dogma (1999)

Kevin Smith’s extremely clever religious satire features two angels of death arguing with each other over who’s done more in service to God outside an arms store. All of this is being said as a befuddled store clerk is watching. I love the kicker “next to soccer”

21.  Sugarpuss O'Shea: [about Potts] Yes, I love him. I love those hick shirts he wears with the boiled cuffs and the way he always has his vest buttoned wrong. Looks like a giraffe, and I love him. I love him because he's the kind of a guy that gets drunk on a glass of buttermilk, and I love the way he blushes right up over his ears. Love him because he doesn't know how to kiss, the jerk!
-Ball of Fire (1941)

22.  Major Clipton: Madness! Madness!
-Bridge on the River Kwai (1958)

Without giving away the ending, let’s just say Major Clipton perfectly summarizes my baffled reaction at the end of this film’s climax.

23.  King Arthur: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.
French Soldier: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he will be very keen. Uh, he's already got one, you see.
King Arthur: What?
Sir Galahad: He said they've already got one!
King Arthur: Are you sure he's got one?
French Soldier: Oh yes, it's very nice!
-Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
True story: One night my freshman year of college, two kids painted nearly half the campus walk one Saturday night with the entirety of the “Knights of Ni” interchange. For my MPatHG, I’m going with the greatest brick joke in history.

24.  Lorraine Running Water: Do you understand what Bronco Billy and the wild west show are all about? You can be anything you want. All you have to do is go out and become it!
-Bronco Billy (1980)

Bronco Billy is about a stranded heiress (Sondra Locke) who is forced to tag along with a Wild West Show run by Clint Eastwood. The line I also wanted to use from this underrated film was Locke’s character trying to convince Bronco Billy not to go stop a train robbery on account of him not being an actual cowboy. Bronco Billy tells her it’s even worse than that: He was actually a show sales men most of his life. This line is in the same spirit.

25.  Elwood P. Dowd: Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it.
-Harvey (1950)

26.  Lt. Col. Frank Slade: Now I have come to the cross-roads in my life. I always knew what the right path was. Without exception, I knew, but I never took it. You know why? It was too damn hard. Now here's Charlie. He's come to the cross-roads. He has chosen a path. It's the right path. It's a path made of principle that leads to character. Let him continue on his journey.
-Scent of a Woman (1992)

Some people see this film as hacky and derivative but I suspect that it is simply a victim of the way that films that win too many Oscars get maligned. Al Pacino’s performance here, while not the best of that year, is still legendary in its own right. I’ll be honest: Slade’s defense of the honor council has always left me baffled: Those other kids weren’t his friends anyway for putting him in such a terrible position and if Charlie’s hand is forced, how much of a bro code could he really be held accountable for? Still, this section of Slade’s monologue really clarifies the two characters. Slade has made a number of brave choices throughout the film of low consequences and therefore is admirable through Charlie’s eyes because he seemingly has no fear. The larger picture, however, is that when things really matter Slade has taken the easy road and Charlie is the brave one even if he’s not doing anything as exciting as stealing a convertible or dancing with a stranger.

27.  Sofía: Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around.
-Vanilla Sky (2001)

28.  Woody Grant: Have a drink with your old man. Be somebody!
David Grant: Well, why did you have kids, then?
Woody Grant: I like to screw, and your mother's a Catholic, so you figure it out.
-Nebraska (2013)

Woody Grant is not an easy character to like and that’s the whole point. This is a story about a son’s evolving question to bond with and serve his father on his father’s own terms. The second line is indicative of Alexander Payne’s rare bits of punchline-based humor.

29.  Vivian: Speaking of horses, I like to play them myself. But I like to see them workout a little first, see if they're front runners or come from behind, find out what their hole card is, what makes them run.
Marlowe: Find out mine?
Vivian: I think so.
Marlowe: Go ahead.
Vivian: I'd say you don't like to be rated. You like to get out in front, open up a little lead, take a little breather in the backstretch, and then come home free.
Marlowe: You don't like to be rated yourself.
Vivian: I haven't met anyone yet that can do it. Any suggestions?
Marlowe: Well, I can't tell till I've seen you over a distance of ground. You've got a touch of class, but I don't know how, how far you can go.
Vivian: A lot depends on who's in the saddle.
-The Big Sleep (1946)

Exhibit B for why old movies can surprise you lest you think it was all “Leave it to Beaver” and “I Love Lucy.” When I first saw this film, my mouth was gaping open at what I had just witnessed. It helps, of course, that these lines are spoken by Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall who became one of cinema’s enduring couples on and off screen.

30.  Dick Goodwin: 21 is rigged and I can prove it... I have Enright cold and that means I have you.
Kitner: Really?
Dick Goodwin: Really.
Kitner: Then how come you're the one who's sweating?
-Quiz Show (1994)

Robert Redford’s underrated “Quiz Show” is memorable (at least for me) because it’s a Moby Dick story of sorts with the proverbial white whale being a McGuffin. Who really cares if a quiz show isn’t on the level? I certainly didn’t, but this was an obsessed man.

Part II is here