Anatomy of a Pitch: Being a Star Trek Fan Before the Era of Popular Nerdom

This is one of approximately 15 articles I've pitched that I also posted on my Patreon where I detail how I went about the pitching process. Check out more of these.

 This pitch calls for a first-person essay, so I wanted to start it off like that.

I'll never forget the Sunday night in 8th grade when, in my media-regulated household, I snuck into my housekeeper's room I'm often hesitant about this part because it does acknowledge that I'm rich and I had a house keeper to sneak in some TV and fell upon this show I frame it as this show because I'm writing in the past tense and I barely knew of it when I watched it called Deep Space Nine. I had been only marginally familiar but somehow I was hooked because I'm writing for Star Trek magazine, I have to be positive about the show . I remember the specific episode ("Facets") and would keep going back week after week.

Though I was a couch potato who loved nothing more than relaxing in front of the screen as a kid, this was my first TV obsession. I had never experienced serialized storytelling, religious subthemes, science fiction, and such deep concepts What I meant to write was world-building. Since then, I've studied film history in college, enjoyed stints as a TV critics, started a YouTube channel and have been blogging on film and television since I graduated college over 15 years ago. Wanted to keep this part brief. No more than one sentence

But this was 1997 and I was in the boiler room Using fancy vocabulary and vivid imagery helps of middle school before wide-scale anti-bullying initiatives had taken over secondary education. After a couple years of being bullied, I was starting to tweak my image and marginally enjoy the social experience of school. I had a great fear that expressing an interest in Star Trek with the kids who signaled their fandom with t-shirts would be a massive step back

Therefore, my my first foray into TV obsession was one that I did in silence. My very first use of the internet was the message boards for Star Trek. The first password I ever logged was on IMDB so I could discuss Star Trek with others. When I vacationed with my grandparents for a month with no internet, I remember dying to come back to check what responses my board posts had got. I also peaked through books at the library on Star Trek (like the DS9: Technical Manual) though I often wanted to make sure no one was looking. I even had such a phobia of being a nerd that I didn't even want my parents thinking I was a Star Trek watcher and would change the channel if they passed by. I personally thought these touches were humorous (or at least cute) in very specific ways

As I gradually felt secure enough to discuss liking Star Trek, it made the connection more real. Though I can't claim as much bravery as the people who were out-and-proud about their fandom in the 1990s, I'm thankful for the way that nerd culture has been popularized through shows like the Big Bang Theory.

My first-person essay would discuss a little more on a personal level, what drove me to Star Trek, the way that Star Trek fandom might have been seen as negative in my youth, and how Star Trek transformed me from a passive couch potato into someone who critically watches TV..

I already sketched this out (maybe at 50%), so this is simply saying where you'd add more info

I might also draw from research over nerd culture: Certain pop culture like Saturday Night Live sketches, comedy routines, or sitcom episodes (3rd Rock from the Sun's convention episode with George Takei, for example) that initially stigmatized nerds. Showing I'd done my homework, although the nice part of this was that I thought it up in 10 seconds. You don't want to spend the whole day on a pitch you don't know will result in greenlighting Additionally, I'd like oops, I spelled this wrong, I did proofread but sometimes you can't catch anything at the antithesis of that movement: conventions that might have integrated more and more hobbies/interests so that everyone became a nerd of one thing or another; The Big Bang Theory; whatever else I might find,  Admitting that I don't know everything, but hopefully showing enough that I do know....two advantages of this is, you want to fire off pitches quickly before you burn out, and you want to be flexible about what they'd want to see more of anyway   etc.

Sincerely,

Orrin Konheim

This might be my best combination of first-person and film review:

https://sophomorecritic.blogspot.com/2023/01/other-peoples-money-1991-capitalism-at.html

Pop Culture Clips:

https://thefederalist.com/2019/07/02/evolution-star-trek-franchise-says-shifting-tv-landscape/

https://www.tvfanatic.com/2020/07/what-if-parks-and-recreation-had-stayed-closer-to-its-original-t/

https://fanfare.pub/snls-most-talented-cast-the-ups-and-downsides-of-the-1991-season-15c66d6d4dcd

First person essays:

https://thezebra.org/2020/04/27/sometimes-waiting-is-the-hardest-part-one-writers-experience-with-fear-delay-and-a-virus-with-no-name/

https://www.arlingtonmagazine.com/bureaucrat-mom-konheim/

Plot Synopses from Fake Movie Titles

 I asked random friends and patreons to give me three fake titles of movies. The instruction is simply to put together combinations of words that sound like a movie and I have to pick two of three:

Liz Gray (Friend from D.C. Film Circles, Podcaster: Archivists Bet on Sexy Witches Podcast):

The Bonk Within, There is a Mark, The Coward Returns:

The Coward Returns-This is an apt description for the Count of Monte Christo (or even The Lion King) so it could be a Monte Christo with Serial Numbers Filed Off, but we could do a genre switch so it will have a tinge of originality. Let’s set it in space and make it Star Wars adjacent with lots of alien races and the appearance of a large mythology. This will be the set in the back stages of Joseph Campbell’s The Hero’s Journey with a Luke Skywalker-type coming through to save his homeland from an evil empire.

Directed by Colin Treverow (Jurassic World), starring Rob Arnell, Maya Hawke, Djimon Hounsou, Charlotte Rampling, Michael Gambon, Diego Luna

There is a Mark-A continental con artist comedy in the style of lavish films like “Gambit”, “Topkapi”, or “Charade” from the 60s. Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Natasha Lyonne are the opposite of money launderers who have a reputable business that they use as a front for illicit doings. Instead, they pretend to be illicit operators so they can expose other bad guys and use the money for charity or to help clients. It will be partially set in Greece.

Directed by Riann Johnson, Starring Joseph Gordon Levitt, Natasha Lyonne, Justin Bartha, Jamie Camill, Selma Hayek, Michael Caine, Casey Biggs

Iman (Friend from Working on the 48 Hour Film Festival):

Casino, Gremlins, Wish Upon a Star

Casino-A Robert Altman-style look at all the important stakeholders in a Casino and the struggle to keep it afloat. There will be a partial irony in that we’re meant to root for the casino owners here. It will be set at an Indian reservation too, so it’s an opportunity to root for Native Americans. This will allow Taylor Sheridan (who incorporates Native Americans into his work) to stretch some new muscles with a larger ensemble film. And it has zero relation to the Martin Scorsese film.

Directed by Taylor Sheridan, Starring Gil Birmingham, Adam Beach, Jessica Chastain, Jason Isaacs, Noah Reid, Chaske Spencer, Kimberly Guerrero, Sam Elliott

Wish Upon a Star- I’m a bit limited here, because this is the kind of kid-centered optimistic film that Disney used to do in the 90s like “Beethoven”, “The Rookie”, or “Angels in the Outfield” that have gone out of style these days at the box office.. The title clearly alludes to a hopeless child being empowered by some superstitious ritual which is good for an audience of kids who are still struggling with whether to leave superstitions behind. It could be a Hallmark or Lifetime movie. The most successful example of a movie like this in the past decade is the 2017 film “Wonder”. Also, this year’s “Are You There God It’s Me Margaret.” 

Both were based on best-selling books, but we could always have Wonder author R.J. Palacio write the story itself and load it up with a couple big name stars.

Directed by Frank Darabont (this guy needs to make a return to film, this will ease him into it): Jackson Robert Scott (Locke and Key), Tom Hanks, Julianne Moore, James Franco, Tracee Ellis Ross, Jim Broadbent

Adam Spector (D.C. Area friend, DC Cinema Society Lounge Moderator):

The Final Danger; A Matter of Importance; Two Guys, One Girl and a Bar

Two Guys, One Girl and a Bar:

The submitter of this one was likely influenced by the 90s ABC show “Two Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza Place” which starred Ryan Reynolds. Is he suggesting Ryan Reynolds supposed to be in this as a winking nod to the similarities in title? Well, he’s gotta make a cameo.

This is going to be a romantic comedy (obviously) in which a female lead is a cook, and she is forced to choose between two guys as she dreams of opening a bar. One is a financier (Daniel Ratcliffe) while one is a senior cook (Taran Killam), so there are class differences in play. Her mom (Priscilla Barnes with a bit of a dye job) tells her she needs to be independent. In a sort of Pygmalion-like ending, she decides she needs to open the restaurant on her own, independent of the two guys who are crushing on her. She later gives the cook a chance to properly romance her.

Director: Taran Killam Writers: Taran Killam & Colbie Smulders Cast: Colbie Smuthers, Daniel Ratcliffe Tyler James Williams, Rob Riggle, Priscilla Barnes cameo by Ryan Reynolds

A Matter of Importance:

First things first, I’m going to assume this is about a plot that revolves around a secret, right? Secondly, this has gotta be a period piece, considering no one speaks like this anymore. So should we set it in England or the UK or some unnamed third country where the actors will do British accents anyway? Let’s just make it in England since it gives me an opportunity to cast the best actors. I don’t have any patience for Howard’s End/Downton Abbey property disputes among the upper class. We could make it a secret in love like Atonement. However, I will opt to make this political.

Set in the court of Queen Victoria, the matter of importance is a plot to make England parliamentarian again and assassinate an aging Queen. In this case, there will be a nice pacing mix between political maneuvering and against-the-clock action. In the case of the former, members of the ruling class try to contain a separatist government. In the case of the latter, two members of the royal guard (Henry Cavill, Sam Claflin) try to stop an assassin (Dean Charles-Chapman of 1917).

Director: Kepac Shakur Cast: Maggie Smith, Helena Bohnam Carter, Geoffery Rush, Ian Holm, Jim Broadbent, Henry Cavill, Dean Charles-Chapman, Sam Claflin, Iaon Gruffuld

Alex Escobar (Long-Time Friend, Realtor, Patreon):

Gas X: The Untold Story Behind the Other Miracle Pill; Pirates vs Ninjas; The Boy Who Could Lie

Gas X: The Untold Story Behind the Other Miracle Pill

This is going to be a satire of big pharma with Gas X pills. Duh. But it gets more complicated than that. This title handicaps itself from the start with such a crude title.

A certain percentage of the audience is probably not going to be up for the blue humor. Unless, it’s told by someone who already has a reputation for being crude and satirical. Weird Al just produced an autobiography of his life and is enough of a de facto film maker that I’d entrust him with this. Larry Charles was the director of “Borat” and “Bruno” which were both sufficiently low-brow. Mike Judge created Beavis and Butthead before moving onto “Office Space”, “Idiocracy”, “Extract” and the HBO show “Silicon Valley."

 My only hesitation is I don’t want to set up one of my favorite directors for failure. We also have Trey Parker and Matt Stone who I don’t like much, so if they screw up this film, no foul. Still, it’s been 14 years since Mike Judge has made a movie and I’ve enjoyed his three films so much that I’d want to green light him with a studio film.

As for the cast, someone like Mike Myers or Melissa McCarthy taking over the project would make it a vehicle for the star. As a result, I will aim for more of an ensemble feel.

Director: Mike Judge Cast: Will Ferrell, James Marsden, Kathryn Hahn, Zoe Chao, Thomas Middleditch, Kevin Nealon, Kumail Nanjiani, Maya Rudolph

The Boy Who Could Lie

I’m not that attracted to this title, but Pirates verse Ninjas is as self-referentially bleak as the 2006 ironic hit Snakes on a Plane, and my marketing department doesn’t have that much irony in their arsenal (sorry to diss you so bad Alex). As I said with “Wish Upon a Star”, I don’t think kid-centric films sell like they used to. So how do I give this edge if this has to be about a boy?

More so, how do I make anything other than a gender-switched Atonement (an award-winning period piece about a girl who wrecks the reputations off two would-be lovers by telling a lie about them)? If you want to go the comic route, and change the title to “The stub-nosed man who could lie” you’re looking at the 2009 comedy (that I quite liked) “The Invention of Lying.” This could be a prequel to that, but it doesn’t follow the internal logic of the first movie where Ricky Gervais discovered his powers as an adult. Oh Alex, you’re killing me, here!

I’ve got it! How about a semi-period piece (AKA 1950s-1960s) about a boy who’s a little psychopathic. It’s a psychological character study juxtaposed upon the mores of conformity from that era. For the lead, I’ll go with Lewis Partridge who is 20 currently. I imagine he could pull off playing someone who’s 15. It’s not that easy to find people who are 18-19. I’ll also cast some British people doing American accents for an upper-class affectation.

Director: Sam Mendes Cast: Lewis Partridge, Rosamund Pike, Xelia Mendes-Romas, George Segal, Holland Taylor, Corey Michael-Smith. Griffin Glucke, Daisey Ridley, Robert Sean Leonard

Mary Little John (Former TV reviewer, now writes fiction, We were both correspondents at TV Fanatic)

Empty Candlestick, Royal Purple, Every Wise Man’s Son

Empty Candlestick-This will be a very play-like movie with a limited amount of characters and cinematic elements. It will revolve mostly around Cardinal Richeliu (Christian Bale) and his attempts to educate Louis XIV about the art of war and leadership. In real life, Louis XIV of France became one of the most powerful leaders in European history but he inherited the crown at age 5. As a result, he had a lot of on-the-job learning, so to speak. The empty candlestick is a military metaphor, or a metaphor of how to rule, or how to properly practice diplomacy, or whatever you want it to be.  Hey, I didn’t choose the title.

Director: Luca Guadagnino (Call Me By Your Name) Cast: Christian Bale, Timothee Chalemet, Amira Cesar, Phoebe Wright

Royal Purple-This will be a spiritual sequel to Empty Candlestick with many of the characters from The Empty Candlestick also continuing the story here. Think Marvel is the only universe that can do cross-overs? Think again!

Reunited from “Inglourious Basterds”, Melanie Laurent and Daniel Bruhl play a couple who has been exiled from the French monarchy. The film’s first half will show them adjusting to life as commoners outside of the court and be a tale of resilience and awakening to the kind of life people live outside the walls. The second half will be a story of reunification with Bruhl entertaining an offer to return to the court and his half-brother the King (Chalemet).

True, Bruhl isn’t French, but all Europeans read alike to Hollywood viewers. I mean, for God’s sake, we’ve had John Malkovich, Luis Guzman, Charlie Sheen, Jim Caviezel, Orlando Bloom, Chris O’Donnell, and Luke Evans all play parts in Alexandre Dumas adaptations. So this will do.

Director: Luca Guadagmino Cast: Daniel Bruhl, Christian Bale, Melanie Laurent,  Michael Gambon, Timothee Chalemet, Amira Cesar

Every Wise Man’s Son-This will be the end of the critically acclaimed but probably not-so-profitable trilogy. Hey, audiences are dumb and will want to see more things explode, what can I say. Maybe, it will get the Downton Abbey crowd that loves period pieces.

This will center around Louis XIV passing on his legacy. Not just to his children but navigating the balance of power as forces of change seep in. Louis XIV didn’t live during the French Revolution, but he did overlap with the first wave of the Enlightenment and many of those figures were regulars at his court. I’m sure some of them had a thing or two to say about whether absolute power was in the best interests of man. Isn’t that some spicy drama?

We’ll stick with Timothee Chalemet and project a release date about 5-6 years from now. Who are we kidding though? He’ll need aging make-up as Louis XIV lived to his 70s.

Drector: Terry George (Hotel Rwanda) Producer/Writer: Luca Guadagmino Cast: Timothee Chalemet, Phoebe Wright, Alfred Molina, Matthias Schoenarts, Ben Whishaw, Juliette Binoche, Erick de Staercke

Saturday Night Live 91-92 Season Review

In preparation of my probably upcoming interview with Siobhan Fallon Hogan (please attend), I recently binged the 1991 to 1992 season: 

There's a telling scene in an episode with Susan Dey where Mike Meyers and Phil Hartman play two opposing lawyers trying to convince a jury about the feasibility of a man's penis size. Why they're doing this isn't as important as the fact that the jury isn't played by extras. Well, one is, but 11 of the 12 jurors are cast members. Not just any cast members but some of the biggest names in comedic history -- Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, David Spade, Tim Meadows-- all adding to the sketch in unique ways without saying a word. They're just all looking at a naked man and reacting to his anatomy in uniquely different comic ways.

That's the season in a nutshell.

This was a season loaded with stars and not a lot of screen time to go around. Although Rob Smigel (best known today for making lewd poop jokes at celebrities with a cartoon dog puppet on his hand) appeared in the opening credits for a handful of episodes, this was mostly a 16-member cast. That's slightly above average but the show has weathered casts that size before. Particularly since 2016.

However, the thing is that few of the current SNL crop are stars that command center stage. Beck Bennett is the current epitome for a cast member: He had a few character roles, but he also was great at playing a background part when needed. Even Pete Davidson, despite the insufferable publicity that engulfed the rest of the show during his tenure, was fully capable of supporting a sketch when he wasn't the lead. In this SNL sketch, for example, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcziw7helVg, Pete Davidson does excellent work with his "huzzahs" in a supporting role while Alex Moffatt (who suffered slightly from not having enough star power) took the lead. 

There have been a few examples of SNL characters who don't work so well in supporting roles like Leslie Jones or possibly Sarah Sherman, but for the most part, it's a far cry from this era where Chris Rock, David Spade, and Adam Sandler have such strong comic personas that it seems tragic to watch them on the sidelines of a sketch. The only people from this cast that I see on the true character actor end of the spectrum were Kevin Nealon and Julia Sweeney. 

SNL works on seniority as most people know so Nealon, the second-longest-tenured cast member at the time, gobbled up more screen time than what was ideal. The other three big stars here were Dana Carvey, Mike Myers, and Phil Hartman. Both Carvey and Hartman are on their last legs and you can tell they were running out of energy by this point. Thus, it's hard to argue that anyone other than Mike Meyers was the season's MVP.

And that's the second thing I learned here. In retrospect, it's incredibly easy to forget how talented some of these people are. Myers is best known for having a couple franchises that he stuck to, and then followed them up with some projects where he recycled his own shtick. But, my God, he was a versatile ball of energy who bought something new every week and performed the hell out of it. 

Similarly, I only remember Rob Schneider as the guy with overwrought parts in Adam Sandler's movies and a man with a thin ego who often takes out ads in trade magazines to attack his enemies. 

Imagine my surprise to see that Schneider might have arguably been the most capable of the young guns on the show. Many of his featured sketches showed a lot of originality (there's one where he's a naked guy with a highly positive body image even if it makes others extremely uncomfortable; in another, he plays a dignified street musician who's subconsciously communicating through his music that he's really desperate) and he threw himself into the background parts. 

I don't know if I saw this firsthand before, but I vaguely remember him through clip shows as the "Making Copies" guy, but that's the other way SNL history flattens our memory. Schneider was far more than the Making Copies guy. Similarly, Adam Sandler might best be known as opera man or canteen boy, but I really liked a bit he did called Cajun Man which benefitted from an iambic simplicity. 

 A lot of the literature I consulted about this period characterized the early 90s as an all-boys club and blamed Farley and Sandler for making this a bro-centric atmosphere. Some people like Year of Flops author Nathan Rabin (who I'm not a fan of for his faux woke grandstanding) even called Sandler and Farley's last season littered with misogyny, but in that article Rabin provided zero supporting evidence for his claim. We can debate the merits of certain sketches, but I think the idea that the writing room was flowing with misogyny as a direct result of Farley/Sandler/Spade/Wolf (one of their two writers) is pretty baseless. Fellow cast members, male and female, are full of kind words for those people. However, these criticisms surfaced mostly during the 94-95 season which was undoubtedly influenced by two unhappy campers (Janeane Garofalo and Chris Elliott) complaining to the press, and that's a whole other story. 

In this particular season, the female cast was trapped in a pretty horrific holding pattern. No strong females emerged in this era to make up for the obvious holes of Nora Dunn and Hooks. 

As far as I can gather, It had nothing to do with their talent, but by the logistics of what they chose to do with their female cast members. 

There were six women on cast. Ellen Cleghorne occupied her own space as a Black actor, so she was safe. She actually had a nice guerilla recurring sketch (a la Borat though likely more scripted) as a fake studio page (think Kenneth from 30 Rock) who bothered the hosts as they left the studio. When I say star who commands center stage, Cleghorne fit that category as far as I'm concerned. 

Julia Sweeney had exactly one star character, but was mostly relegated to the background where she found a semi-comfortable space. Victoria Jackson had worked fairly well with a ditzy persona. If that's a derogatory term, don't shoot the messenger: Victoria called herself that on air. 

Inexplicably, Melanie Hutsell mined the same territory as Victoria with imitations of Tori Spelling and Jan Brady. On top of that, Beth Cahill and Siobhan Fallon had a recurring sketch with Melanie as ditzy sorority girls. The better way to have distinguished all these actors would have been to give them different character types. 

In the same mold, that Rob Schneider will be remembered as the "Making Copies" guy, Siobhan and Beth will be grouped with Melanie as the sorority girls. Fortunately, they made a few other strong impressions in other sketches. 

 Because I'm (likely) interviewing Siobhan this week, I'm watching these episodes as a soccer mom who lights up when Siobhan does something well on screen, like she's my daughter. 

And she's been impressive, even though she's been underserved. And Beth? I never heard of before my binge, and I kind of thought I knew everyone from 1986 onwards. She might be the only one I've never heard of. And she was actually really solid for a noob. Like Siobhan she didn't get bought back and she was reported semi-retired from the industry in 2013. 

Again, what could have been?

What I'm Watching August Edition

 Mulligan (Netflix)-A post-apocalyptic comedy that stands out for its levity. A close comparison would be Will Forte’s  dark comedy “Last Man on Earth” in which a small band of characters survived a pandemic in a sea of nothingness; while the comedy centered around the pathos of sexual frustration. guilt, and the rotating door of ostracizing. In contrast, the post-apocalyptic landscape of Mulligan is a semi-populated city (Washington DC) that survived the attack of aliens, thanks to our titular hero. Mulligan is a dim-witted hunk in the style of Pete Davidson (though surprisingly played by Nat faxon) who compromised the aliens’ defenses threw his only skill: Throwing a baseball through a Death-Star like-design-flaw. The sole surviving senator decides that’s enough to qualify him as president and he’s joined by Mrs. Nevada (Chrissy Tiegen) who serves as his first lady (though their relation goes unconsummated so far); a senator that embodies Southern cliché to humorous rapture (Dana Carvey), a pair of star-crossed academics (Tina Fey and Sam Richardson) with a great Sam-and-Dianne vibe; and an alien leftover from the invasion (Phil LaMarr) who is often the sanest person in the room. There is also an ample amount of room for cameos (Questlove and Weird Al play themselves), world building (the previous president is confirmed to be alive at one point) and entertaining recurring guest stars that could build the world out. On the whole, this is a show has a few broad strokes (if the Korean billionaire isn’t supposed to be a proxy for Kim-Jung Un he’s awfully stereotypical; ditto the beauty queen) but it mines the character interactions well.

Good Omens (Amazon)-Neil Gaiman’s seminal novel of biblical humor pits the four Horsemen of the apocalypse, the antichrist, a rogue angel Azaraphel (Michael Sheen), his demon partner-in-crime Crowley (David Tenant) and a number of other colorful characters in a tale that’s as epic as it is whimsical. But that was the first season. This season centers around a mystery: The angel Gabriel (Jon Hamm) shows up at a Azaraphel’s book shop with an interesting case of amnesia. Considering Gabriel’s playing for Team Heaven and Crowley’s playing for the other side and it’s an eternal battle with high stakes, Crowley’s terrified at the site of his old nemesis. He wants to off him, but then we wouldn’t have a reason for Azaraphel and Crowley to go on adventures together and this uneasy alliance is the heart of the show, so Azaraphel convinces forked-tongue pal to perform a minor miracle and hide him from the powers that be. Trying to keep the secret from their overlords and the ensuing aftermath is the bulk of the plot. Through four of six episodes so far, the majority of the screen time has been spent on pseudo-origin stories on the Azaraphel/Crowley friendship and other wayward angles. I want to root for this show and the whimsy and world-building is always charming, but if they have to have this much filler, perhaps they should have started from the drawing board with this one. I’ll stick it out to the end.

Captain Fall (Netflix)-Although it’s flying under the radar, I’m not sure if any animated black comedy has come along that’s this black—or at least this murdery. Maybe Archer? Captain John Fall is the black sheep of his family and that’s an understatement. His parents don’t want him to appear at family parties because he’s such an embarrassment, and his brother is an inappropriate mooch of epic proportions. It doesn’t help that John is at the bottom of his class at the naval academy. However, failing upwards is as good of a way to succeed as any. An international cartel is seeking the dumbest possible captain to serve as a patsy for all the war crimes they wish to commit on international waters, so after the unfortunate murder of everyone at the employment referral agency, John lands himself a prestige position where the crew go to elaborate lengths to keep him and the passengers in the dark to all the atrocities they commit the following atrocities: Trafficking brides for an Arab billionaire, abducting humans for a human zoo, killing endangered animals for Viagara, facilitating arms deals, and sponsoring child soldiers. Pretty horrific, huh? What’s more, the crew alternatively seduces, befriends, and feeds the captain a continuous stream of false information to keep him under the illusion that he’s riding high. The ride is entertaining enough that we’re excited for the anticipation of what happens when this all comes crashing down.

Righteous Gemstones (HBO)-Having just watched and fallen in love with Danny McBride’s “Vice Principals”, there’s not as much of a tightness to the narrative here. One can miss almost any episode and not feel particularly lost. This is becoming a bit of a weakness in the third season. Even the religious satire – the key factor separating RG from McBride’s other two shows – isn’t particularly strong when the family’s descent from moral grace isn’t particularly defined. On the upside, Edi Patterson and Tim Baltz are given much more to do as a couple whose marriage is tested by an extra-marital affair. On the minus, there’s significantly less Baby Billy (Walton Goggins) and he has the most potential for an interesting storyline and the tongue-twister-based best running joke (Baby Billy's Bible Bonkers) I've enjoyed in a while. When you put each character’s arc on this show through a fine-toothed comb, there often isn’t anything that interesting going on with many of them. It’s not a knock on the character work of John Goodman, Adam Devine, or Danny McBride, but standing still will only get you so far.

What We Do in the Shadows (FX)-At times, “What We Do in the Shadows” is among the funniest things on TV, but oftentimes ambitious shows can go in directions that don’t take everyone along. One of the show’s serialized arcs over the third and fourth seasons saw Nandoor the Relentless get increasingly depressed and lonely. This infected the show with an unfortunate Debbie Downer vibe for me, but I get the sense that the feedback from many of the fans was successful. Besides, the last season offered the vampires engaging in a full-on commercial venture and the uncanny valley of Colin Robinson (an uncanny valley of a character) growing from toddler to unruly teenager before our very eyes. And Shawney! OK, I concede…there’s generally too much going on right with this show to tune out. But when the show starts off on the right foot, like Season 5, it’s a beautiful site to behold. By this, I mean forward movement: Guillermo is finally a vampire, Colin Robinson has discovered his own tribe, he and Evie are trying to bore the world (or rather, Staten Island, on an epic level).

Miracle Workers (HBO)-Simon Rich, the SNL writer, who penned “Man Seeking Woman”, has a way of writing absurdist historical fiction (and adjacent tropes) that has served him extremely well in this anthology series. In the original season (set in a Kafkaesque version of Heaven), The Middle Ages and Oregon Trail, Rich’s characters possessed a charming sense of anachronism as they went about their limited existences: Characters were either too loaded with blind optimism or too self-aware about bleak circumstances.  While this is an anthology series with the same actors switching off roles each season, the general configuration through the first three seasons has been: 1) Steve Buscemi as the dumb optimist (despite being God himself at one point) 2) Geraldine Viswanathan as the cautious pragmatism, 3) Daniel Radcliffe being the most dynamic character that drives the plot 4) Various other actors (Lolly Adefope, Quinta Brunson, John Bass, Karan Soni, Peter Serafinowicz) fill out the cast as needed. In this version, things are askew as Geraldine Viswanathan is a warlord in an apocalyptic landscape, and Buscemi mostly plays a filler role as Daniel Radcliffe’s employer. The formula is off.

Mrs Davis (Peacock)-A nun goes to war against a practically omnipotent AI system with the help of an ex-boyfriend and Jesus in human form (a dude named Jay). This is an interesting world to kick around in. It’s also a plus if you’re a luddite myself and wish to vicariously live through a heroine kicking ass against thoughtless technological advancement. But it’s extremely dense and confusing. I’m sticking with it but, fair warning, this requires a lot of checking on the wikis for clarification.

Bottom Ten Films of 2023 To Date

 10. Book Club Chapter 2-It’s another edition of “hey, Old people are exciting too!” I wonder if someone like Jane Fonda who has 2 Oscars and 5 additional nominations looks down on co-stars like Lily Tomlin or Don Johnson who have zero. Anywho, there’s not much to cover here: A bunch of old people having fun and negotiation late-stage romance and friendship. And a decent amount of scenery porn. Also, Mary Steenburgen playing the accordion (again).

9. White Men Can’t Jump-Jack Harlow didn’t convince me that he could jump. I’m not sure if he was slacking off with the training for the role, or I don’t know my basketball, but I wasn’t particularly convinced with the action here. Or maybe white men can’t jump. I was kind of expecting a more racially woke take on the original, but planned on watching anyway for nostalgic purposes. I was pleasantly surprised that the film doesn’t avoid edgy dialogue and doesn’t subdue one story in service to lionization of the Black character. Still, it wasn’t as exciting as it appeared to have been on paper.

8. Super Mario Brothers- This animated movie isn’t just a filmic homage to the Super Mario Brothers game you grew up with as a kid; it’s hodgepodge of every video game with the Super Mario label. Kind of like Ready Player One except there’s thematic consistency. And that nostalgia factor lights a bulb in your brain. And talk about that score! It’s almost worth the price of admission to see the most memorable tunes of the early 90s outside of the Billboard top 40, to be put to orchestration. As for the story, it’s pretty typical but not lazy enough (from an adult perspective) to have made a negative viewing experience for me.

7. Missing-A moderately clever thriller for the zoom age. Wish I had more to say.

6. No Hard Feelings-Basically, Lauren Benanti and Matthew Broderick hire a cash-strapped Jennifer Lawrence as a prostitute for their son, but Jennifer Lawrence doesn't consider herself a whore so it's not so bad. The kid is supposedly really awkward and insular (it turns out he has trauama), but then again he has at least two friends and he's going to Princeton where being a socially awkward genius is probably seen as a plus. Jennifer tries to sex him up as fast as possible so she can cash in, but hilarious misunderstandings (like an old friend wanting to have sex with him, which would solve his parents' problem) get in the way. Along the way, they become friends (aww, how cute) even though she's charging at him like a bull in heat. Then he finds out she was paid off, and has sex with her anyway (clumsily, is that supposed to be funny) while also destroying her car (taking away any semblance of him as a noble character), but then they heal each other's wounds (I think?).

Almost nothing in the plot holds up, but you get the idea that it's not supposed to: It's about the R-rated raunch but all that means is that Jennifer Lawrence is naked a little (I guess Seth MacFarlane can claim victory in the 2012 Oscars) but it doesn't leave that level of no-holds-barred usurping of appropriateness like Bridesmaids or The Hangover. If you're not going to do that, try building a better plot next time.

5. Elemental-Three main thoughts: 1) The level of world-building and visual imagination deserves great credit. 2) The love story is really sappy and overwrought 3) Is Pixar under so much pressure to be diverse that they’re afraid to cast a white person in what is clearly a metaphor for interracial romance?

4. True Spirit-It’s an inspiring adventure/sports story of someone who did something that people said she couldn’t. And it’s a teenager. And it stares an Oscar winner in Anna Paquin. But extremely snooze-worthy.

3. Beau is Afraid-The film’s marketing describes the movie as about a lonely man’s odyssey home, and the director described it as a “nightmare comedy” on press tours. I would classify it as the kind of ride that amusement park’s convert into a haunt-fest for Halloween. Only it lasts three hours, and it was seemingly co-written by Carl Jung and Franz Kafka for maximum symbolism. Joaquin Phoenix plays a lonely man who’s ill-at-ease with the world. It’s kind of justified, however, because, he seems to live among the worst possible humans alive. It’s disturbing but not tremendously far away from working.

2. Ghosted-It might have been less this film, than where I was this genre in general—action hero casually murders tons of people while being immune from even a single bullet—that colored my opinion. It’s a good turn for Ana de Armas.

1. Asterisk and Obelisk-Sure, there are works that are kid-oriented but there should be some appeal to an adult audience in terms of presenting a good story. I can appreciate that it was adapted from a comic book, but the film had a weird and off-putting ascetic. The fight scenes were just plain lazy.

9 Best Films I've Seen This Year to Date

1.     Fool’s Paradise-The serendipity of good and bad fortune alike is evoked with the whimsy and physical comedy of Charlie Chaplin. It’s a rare ode to male friendship and features the gone-too-soon Ray Liotta’s best performance. Starring and directed by everyone’s favorite illiterate savant: Charlie (Day) from It’s Always Sunny

2.     Asteroid City-Following the bloated misstep of French Dispatch, this charming movie rivals the best directors at creating a strong sense of place: A charming Route 66 Southwest pit stop at the dawn of the nuclear era. Jason Schwartzman and Scarlett Johansson have one of those stoic romances reminiscent of the French new wave; Maya Hawke charms as a teacher with existential insecurities; there are five gangly genius clones of Jason Schwartzman in Rushmore, and many more interesting characters. Unlike French Dispatch, there’s a better sense of scale with the characters.

3.     Tetris- It’s hard to understate how impressive it is to take a subject that bores me to tears and make it a gripping thriller. Of course, it helps that the real-life story is equally mind-boggling: In order to acquire the rights for Tetris, Henk Williams mortgaged his house, risked trouble with the KGB, and was initially dependent on a company that was actively trying to screw him. When he finally broke free and secured the rights with the Nintendo company, he realized he didn’t have the rights because he was lied to. Although it’s easy to root for him in retrospect, movies like these often overlook that these bold risk takers simply can’t be classified as responsible adults. I’d love to see a deleted scene between Henk and his financial advisor.

4.     Air-Like Tetris, this is a film that does an amazing job of creating tension and stakes out of a topic that some might snooze-worthy. It’s a close call between Air and Tetris, but Tetris is insanely exciting, and Air deals with slightly more familiar beats. Still, this is a credit to director Ben Affleck for further developing the winning style of Argo.

5.     Are You There God. It’s Me Margaret-If it wasn’t an IP, it might have gotten the same kind of praise as Bo Burnham’s Eighth Grade. It perfectly captures the melodrama of early adolescence and how a million great and catastrophic things are happening to you at the exact same times. Rachel McAdams is tear-inducing. 

6.     Joy Ride-It’s a women’s buddy comedy in the mold of Bridesmaids or Girls Trip in over-the-top raunchiness.  In this case, it’s more specific to the East Asian experience: The divides within the community as well as the stereotypes from outside, that second generation Americans from that part of the world have to navigate to form their ethnic identity. Combined with all the near brushes with catastrophe and the wild card nature of two of the four main characters (but fortunately, not in an overly derivative way), an apt description would be Crazy Rich Asians meets the Hangover.  Also, one of the actresses is named Sherry Cola which just about the coolest name I’ve ever heard of.

7.     Ruby Gillman Teenage Kracken-Whatever my opinion of the three animated films I saw this year, I can’t deny credit for quality of the visuals. Any random animation cel from this film would have blown minds if used as a screensaver in the late 90s. When so much of the budget is used for animation, it’s tempting for animated films to let the story fall by the wayside (Super Mario Brothers was passable to me based solely on technical elements), but I found this pretty charming. The coming-of-age beats are familiar, but the inversion of Annie Murphy’s mermaid character was a nice trick: The trailer clues us in to her antagonist status but I didn’t expect it the reveal to extend to the 3^rd act.

 

8.     Polite Society-Considering I’m not a huge fan as an unmarried person of watching so many of my peers spilling all their matrimonial bliss over my Facebook feed. With that in mind, I enjoyed living vicariously through this teenage renegade who is willing to karate chop her way to break up the marriage of her older sister. The zooms and camera movement are reminiscent of the super zooms that came out of CSI and The Matrix at the turn of the century.

9.     Flaming Hot-If there weren’t Mexican actors, they’d certainly be accused of being ridiculously stereotypical, but I’ll allow it. I’m not a fan of the “alas, a struggling immigrant who has to provide for his family” sentiment because that’s pretty much every story in a capitalist society. What I did appreciate was the angle of a guy circumventing the regular channels to go straight to the boss with his game-changing idea. Essentially, this film would have been much better if it went the Argo/Air route (dating back to the era of All the President’s Men) and cut the fat: The story needed to focus exclusively on the protagonist’s risks and rewards of subverting the rules. That and more Tony Shalhoub. Poised CEO Tony Shalhoub is a charming guy.