Bottom Ten Films of 2023 To Date

 10. Book Club Chapter 2-It’s another edition of “hey, Old people are exciting too!” I wonder if someone like Jane Fonda who has 2 Oscars and 5 additional nominations looks down on co-stars like Lily Tomlin or Don Johnson who have zero. Anywho, there’s not much to cover here: A bunch of old people having fun and negotiation late-stage romance and friendship. And a decent amount of scenery porn. Also, Mary Steenburgen playing the accordion (again).

9. White Men Can’t Jump-Jack Harlow didn’t convince me that he could jump. I’m not sure if he was slacking off with the training for the role, or I don’t know my basketball, but I wasn’t particularly convinced with the action here. Or maybe white men can’t jump. I was kind of expecting a more racially woke take on the original, but planned on watching anyway for nostalgic purposes. I was pleasantly surprised that the film doesn’t avoid edgy dialogue and doesn’t subdue one story in service to lionization of the Black character. Still, it wasn’t as exciting as it appeared to have been on paper.

8. Super Mario Brothers- This animated movie isn’t just a filmic homage to the Super Mario Brothers game you grew up with as a kid; it’s hodgepodge of every video game with the Super Mario label. Kind of like Ready Player One except there’s thematic consistency. And that nostalgia factor lights a bulb in your brain. And talk about that score! It’s almost worth the price of admission to see the most memorable tunes of the early 90s outside of the Billboard top 40, to be put to orchestration. As for the story, it’s pretty typical but not lazy enough (from an adult perspective) to have made a negative viewing experience for me.

7. Missing-A moderately clever thriller for the zoom age. Wish I had more to say.

6. No Hard Feelings-Basically, Lauren Benanti and Matthew Broderick hire a cash-strapped Jennifer Lawrence as a prostitute for their son, but Jennifer Lawrence doesn't consider herself a whore so it's not so bad. The kid is supposedly really awkward and insular (it turns out he has trauama), but then again he has at least two friends and he's going to Princeton where being a socially awkward genius is probably seen as a plus. Jennifer tries to sex him up as fast as possible so she can cash in, but hilarious misunderstandings (like an old friend wanting to have sex with him, which would solve his parents' problem) get in the way. Along the way, they become friends (aww, how cute) even though she's charging at him like a bull in heat. Then he finds out she was paid off, and has sex with her anyway (clumsily, is that supposed to be funny) while also destroying her car (taking away any semblance of him as a noble character), but then they heal each other's wounds (I think?).

Almost nothing in the plot holds up, but you get the idea that it's not supposed to: It's about the R-rated raunch but all that means is that Jennifer Lawrence is naked a little (I guess Seth MacFarlane can claim victory in the 2012 Oscars) but it doesn't leave that level of no-holds-barred usurping of appropriateness like Bridesmaids or The Hangover. If you're not going to do that, try building a better plot next time.

5. Elemental-Three main thoughts: 1) The level of world-building and visual imagination deserves great credit. 2) The love story is really sappy and overwrought 3) Is Pixar under so much pressure to be diverse that they’re afraid to cast a white person in what is clearly a metaphor for interracial romance?

4. True Spirit-It’s an inspiring adventure/sports story of someone who did something that people said she couldn’t. And it’s a teenager. And it stares an Oscar winner in Anna Paquin. But extremely snooze-worthy.

3. Beau is Afraid-The film’s marketing describes the movie as about a lonely man’s odyssey home, and the director described it as a “nightmare comedy” on press tours. I would classify it as the kind of ride that amusement park’s convert into a haunt-fest for Halloween. Only it lasts three hours, and it was seemingly co-written by Carl Jung and Franz Kafka for maximum symbolism. Joaquin Phoenix plays a lonely man who’s ill-at-ease with the world. It’s kind of justified, however, because, he seems to live among the worst possible humans alive. It’s disturbing but not tremendously far away from working.

2. Ghosted-It might have been less this film, than where I was this genre in general—action hero casually murders tons of people while being immune from even a single bullet—that colored my opinion. It’s a good turn for Ana de Armas.

1. Asterisk and Obelisk-Sure, there are works that are kid-oriented but there should be some appeal to an adult audience in terms of presenting a good story. I can appreciate that it was adapted from a comic book, but the film had a weird and off-putting ascetic. The fight scenes were just plain lazy.

9 Best Films I've Seen This Year to Date

1.     Fool’s Paradise-The serendipity of good and bad fortune alike is evoked with the whimsy and physical comedy of Charlie Chaplin. It’s a rare ode to male friendship and features the gone-too-soon Ray Liotta’s best performance. Starring and directed by everyone’s favorite illiterate savant: Charlie (Day) from It’s Always Sunny

2.     Asteroid City-Following the bloated misstep of French Dispatch, this charming movie rivals the best directors at creating a strong sense of place: A charming Route 66 Southwest pit stop at the dawn of the nuclear era. Jason Schwartzman and Scarlett Johansson have one of those stoic romances reminiscent of the French new wave; Maya Hawke charms as a teacher with existential insecurities; there are five gangly genius clones of Jason Schwartzman in Rushmore, and many more interesting characters. Unlike French Dispatch, there’s a better sense of scale with the characters.

3.     Tetris- It’s hard to understate how impressive it is to take a subject that bores me to tears and make it a gripping thriller. Of course, it helps that the real-life story is equally mind-boggling: In order to acquire the rights for Tetris, Henk Williams mortgaged his house, risked trouble with the KGB, and was initially dependent on a company that was actively trying to screw him. When he finally broke free and secured the rights with the Nintendo company, he realized he didn’t have the rights because he was lied to. Although it’s easy to root for him in retrospect, movies like these often overlook that these bold risk takers simply can’t be classified as responsible adults. I’d love to see a deleted scene between Henk and his financial advisor.

4.     Air-Like Tetris, this is a film that does an amazing job of creating tension and stakes out of a topic that some might snooze-worthy. It’s a close call between Air and Tetris, but Tetris is insanely exciting, and Air deals with slightly more familiar beats. Still, this is a credit to director Ben Affleck for further developing the winning style of Argo.

5.     Are You There God. It’s Me Margaret-If it wasn’t an IP, it might have gotten the same kind of praise as Bo Burnham’s Eighth Grade. It perfectly captures the melodrama of early adolescence and how a million great and catastrophic things are happening to you at the exact same times. Rachel McAdams is tear-inducing. 

6.     Joy Ride-It’s a women’s buddy comedy in the mold of Bridesmaids or Girls Trip in over-the-top raunchiness.  In this case, it’s more specific to the East Asian experience: The divides within the community as well as the stereotypes from outside, that second generation Americans from that part of the world have to navigate to form their ethnic identity. Combined with all the near brushes with catastrophe and the wild card nature of two of the four main characters (but fortunately, not in an overly derivative way), an apt description would be Crazy Rich Asians meets the Hangover.  Also, one of the actresses is named Sherry Cola which just about the coolest name I’ve ever heard of.

7.     Ruby Gillman Teenage Kracken-Whatever my opinion of the three animated films I saw this year, I can’t deny credit for quality of the visuals. Any random animation cel from this film would have blown minds if used as a screensaver in the late 90s. When so much of the budget is used for animation, it’s tempting for animated films to let the story fall by the wayside (Super Mario Brothers was passable to me based solely on technical elements), but I found this pretty charming. The coming-of-age beats are familiar, but the inversion of Annie Murphy’s mermaid character was a nice trick: The trailer clues us in to her antagonist status but I didn’t expect it the reveal to extend to the 3^rd act.

 

8.     Polite Society-Considering I’m not a huge fan as an unmarried person of watching so many of my peers spilling all their matrimonial bliss over my Facebook feed. With that in mind, I enjoyed living vicariously through this teenage renegade who is willing to karate chop her way to break up the marriage of her older sister. The zooms and camera movement are reminiscent of the super zooms that came out of CSI and The Matrix at the turn of the century.

9.     Flaming Hot-If there weren’t Mexican actors, they’d certainly be accused of being ridiculously stereotypical, but I’ll allow it. I’m not a fan of the “alas, a struggling immigrant who has to provide for his family” sentiment because that’s pretty much every story in a capitalist society. What I did appreciate was the angle of a guy circumventing the regular channels to go straight to the boss with his game-changing idea. Essentially, this film would have been much better if it went the Argo/Air route (dating back to the era of All the President’s Men) and cut the fat: The story needed to focus exclusively on the protagonist’s risks and rewards of subverting the rules. That and more Tony Shalhoub. Poised CEO Tony Shalhoub is a charming guy.

Notes on my Latest Directors' Progress Report

Sidenote: I've been writing for High on Film lately:

In the manner of Dear Data, I keep track of how many films I’ve seen by each director of whom I’ve seen at least four of their films.

Here’s my first update since 2018 with new additions in Bold and my two favorites in italics.

Some notes:

1. Among the big names, that haven’t made my list: Francis Ford Coppola, David Fincher, Otto Preminger, Danny Boyle, Brian de Palma, Alfonso Cuaron, and Guillermo del Toro (though if I ever watch the second half of Hellboy, I’ll have that nailed down). It’s ok: I don’t mind my blind spots at all. Don’t try to shame me for not watching the first two Godfathers or On the Waterfront! I can do that to myself just fine, thank you. Besides in a case like Elia Kazan, even if I haven’t seen his two most famous films, I have watched quite a bit of the periphery of his filmography and I enjoy doing that.

2. This is not a measure of how much I enjoy a certain film director. Woody Allen is #3 but I’ve only seen one films of his in the past decade (even though I believe his #metoo case is demonstrably false) and I wouldn’t equate him with brilliance. His films are just easy to digest and there’s a comfort to knowing what to expect.

3. Additionally, there’s a lot of buyer’s remorse with someone like Stephen Soderbergh. I admire his fan base because it’s compromised of more well-rounded cinephiles than the casual fan bases (usually, a calling card of masculinity) that emanate around, say, Tarantino or Scorsese. But he’s hit or miss. Full Frontal is overly indulgent in terms of the narrative; Laundromaut is visually indulgent enough that he puts Wes Anderson to shame; Ocean’s 12 was shameful in its attempts at meta; Erin Brockovich isn’t that far removed from the average star vehicle designed to win someone an Oscar; Side Effects is basically a genre film.

4. I would have seen everything Sam Mendes has ever made if I didn’t quit the James Bond franchise here. With the extraordinary 1917 and the delightful Empire of Light, Sam Mendes does a deep dive into a variety of genres.

5. We can divide this list into people I do and don’t consciously watch. I have never consciously watched anything by Chris Columbus (not the guy who discovered America), Peter Segal, Dennis Dungan, Frank Oz, or Sam Weisman. In the same manner in that I am attracted to a Sam Mendes film, I would run the opposite direction of one of these films if I knew in advance who was directing every film I had ever watched.

6. I was not raised as a film buff. I was raised in a few specific genres and one of those was Hitchcock. I don’t believe I’ve watched a Hitchcock film since graduating college so I had a humongous head start.

7. I would guess that my peers (same age, similar broad interest) probably have seen far more of the following: Francis Ford Coppola (five of his films in the 70s are simply essential, and he has a bunch of disposable films like Rainmaker and Jack that everyone at least watched once because it replays on TV a lot), Brian de Palma (a prolific guy dating back five decades with a few essentials), Tim Burton (he has a pretty large catalogue and is up for awards buzz every few years), and Ridley Scott (even though it seems like eight films is a lot, I haven’t watched Alien, Thelma and Louise and he’s released a lot of star-laden films in the middle like Body of Lies)

8. Lasse Holstrom is a curious case in that he’s a good litmus test for whether people choose their films based on what’s Oscar bait (films marketed, though not necessarily made, to win Oscars). Two of his films have been nominated for Oscar — Chocolat and Cider House Rules — that were helped greatly by Oscar magnate Harvey Weinstein in aggressive campaigning. Of course, we’d later learn that Weinstein was aggressive about less appropriate things, but that’s neither here nor there. Either way, Holstrom’s films that border on overly sentimental to a degree that can come off as calculated. In spite of this, Holstrom can often be pretty good at managing to tell an old-fashioned story that tugs at the heart strings without ever being revolutionary. Since his films have gotten the traditional Oscar hype, my theory is that a lot of Oscar buffs will have flocked to his films regardless of Rotten Tomatoes scores.

9. Peter Farrelly and Adam McKay are also interesting case studies in that their films have gone from frivolous to prestige throughout their careers. Farrelly’s comedies were an essential part of the 1990s whereas Adam McKay dominated the 2000s. Both would eventually win improbably Oscars elevating their subsequent material to must-see on the Oscar calendar. McKay’s last three films were all nominated for Oscar and whatever he makes is something a lot of people will want to see.

10. Similarly, Tim Burton has a surprisingly large output that formed most of my generation’s childhood milestones: Beetlejuice, Edward Scissorhands, the first two Batmans, and Ed Wood have likely been covered by every one my age. Throw in some combination of Corpse Bride, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (which grossed $200+ million), Sweeney Todd, Big Eyes, Big Fish, Dumbo, Sleepy Hollow or any of the other films that he has made at the pace of roughly once every other year. It’s likely that most people my age have watched at least ten Tim Burton films even if they don’t consciously seek the guy.

18 Alfred Hitchcock-Family Plot, Torn Curtain, Rebecca, 39 Steps, North by Northwest, Saboteur, The Wrong Man, Strangers on a Train, Shadow of a Doubt, Topaz, The Birds, Psycho, Lifeboat, Spellbound, Vertigo, The Man Who Knew Too Much (both versions), Rear Window

17 Stephen Spielberg-Jaws, Raiders of the Lost Ark, ET, Temple of Doom, Color Purple, Last Crusade, Schindler’s List, Jurassic Park, Bridge of Spies, Saving Private Ryan, Catch Me If You Can, Terminal, War of the Worlds, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Ready Player One, West Side Story, Fabelmans

15 Woody Allen-Hollywood Ending, Curse of the Jaded Scorpion, Manhattan, Annie Hall, Small Time Crooks, Sweet and Lowdown, Mighty Aphrodite, Manhattan Murder Mystery, Melinda and Melinda, Midnight in Paris, Sleeper,Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, Bullets Over Broadway, Wonder Wheel

11 Joel and Ethan Coen- Joel and Ethan Coen-Oh Brother Where Art Thou, Ladykillers, Man Who Knew Too Much, Intolerable Cruelty, Big Lebowski, Fargo, No Country for Old Men, Burn After Reading, Serious Man, True Grit, Ballad of Buster Scruggs

11 Steve Soderbergh-Erin Brockovitch, Ocean’s 11, Ocean’s 12, Full Frontal, Good German, Ocean’s 13, Informant, Side Effects, Logan Lucky, Laundromaut, Hustle

10 Billy Wilder-Spirit of St. Louis, Some Like it Hot, The Apartment, Irma la Douce, Double Indemnity, Sabrina, Ace in the Hole, Major and the Minor, 1,2,3, The Front Page
10 Clint Eastwood-Mystic River, Unforgiven, Bronco Billy, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, Invictus, Gran Torino, White Heart Lonely Hunter, Play Misty for Me, Bridges of Madison County, Richard Jewel
10 Rob Zemeckis-Forrest Gump, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Back to the Future I-III, Contact, Romancing the Stone, Flight, The Walk, Welcome to Marwen
10 Tim Burton-Batman, Edward Scissorhands, Batman Returns, Ed Wood, Big Fish, Charlie and the Chocolate Factor, Alice in Wonderland, Corpse Bride, Big Eyes, Dumbo

10 Martin Scorsese-Color of Money, Age of Innocence, Goodfellas, Cape Fear, Aviator, The Departed, Gangs of New York, Shutter Island, Hugo, Wolf of Wall Street

9 Mike Nicholls-Primary Colors, The Birdcage, The Graduate, Working Girl, Charlie Wilson’s War, What Planet Are You From?, Postcards from the Edge, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolff, Regarding Henry
9 Jay Roach-Austin Powers I-III, Meet the Parents, Mystery Alaska, Dinner for Schmucks, The Campaign, Game Change, Trumbo
9 Bryan Singer-Usual Suspects, Apt Pupil, X-Men, X-Men 2, Superman Returns, Valkyrie, X-Men Days of Future Past, X-Men Apocalypse, Bohemian Rhapsody

8 Ron Howard-Apollo 13, Beautiful Mind, Da Vinci Code, Frost/Nixon, Angels and Demons, The Paper, Cocoon, Solo, Hillbilly Elegy

8 Christopher Nolan-Batman Begins, Prestige, Dark Knight, Dark Knight Rises, Inception, Interstellar, Dunkirk, Tenet
8 Howard Hawks-Sgt. York, Bringing Up Baby, Big Sleep, Ball of Fire, Rio Bravo, His Girl Friday, Gentlemen Perfer Blondes, Monkey Business
8 Sidney Lumet- 12 Angry Men, Murder on the Orient Express, Network, Prince of the City, Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead, Dog Day Afternoon, The Verdict, Pawnbroker

8 Ridley Scott-Blade Runner, Gladiator, Kingdom of Heaven, Prometheus, Martian, All the Money in the World, Last Duel, House of Gucci
8 Adam McKay: Anchorman, Talladega Nights, Step Brothers, The Other Guys, Anchorman 2, The Big Short, Vice, Don’t Look Up

7 Wes Anderson-Rushmore, Royal Tannenbaums, The Life Aquatic, Darjeerling Limited, Grand Budapest Hotel, Moonrise Kingdom, French Dispatch

7 Lasse Holstrom-What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, Cider House Rules, Chocolat, Shipping News, The Hoax, Salmon Fishing in Yemen, Nutcracker and the Four Realms
7 Vincente Minelli-Meet me in St Louis, American in Paris, The Pirate, Brigadoon, The Band Wagon, Kismet, The Sandpiper
7 Rob Altman-Mash, McCabe and Mrs Miller, California Split, Buffalo Bill and the Indian, The Player, Dr. T and the Women, Prairie Home Companion
7 Ivan Reitman- Ghostbusters, 6 Days 7 Nights, Old School, Space Jam, Fathers Day, Beethoven, Beethoven’s 2nd, Ghostbusters II
7 Chris Columbus-Mrs. Doubtfire, Home Alone, Home Alone 2, Stepmom, I Love You Beth Cooper, Rent, Pixels
7 Terry Gilliam-Time Bandits, Brazil, Fisher King, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Brothers Grimm, Baron Munchhausen, 12 Monkeys

7 Rob Reiner-Stand and Deliver, Princess Bride, Rumor Has It, American President, Ghosts of Mississippi, Misery, Shock and Awe

7 Peter Farrelly-Kingpin, Dumb and Dumber, Fever Pitch, Shallow Hal, Osmosis Jones, Green Book, Greatest Beer Run Ever

6 Sam Mendes-American Beauty, Road to Perdition, Jarhead, Away We Go, 1917, Empire of Light
6 Johnothan Demme-Silence of the Lambs, Melvin and Howard, Manchurian Candidate, Married to the Mob, Rachel Getting Married, Rikki and the Flash,
6 Frank Capra-It Happened One Night, Arsenic and Old Lace, Mr Smith Goes to Washington, Mr Deeds Goes to Town, Meet John Doe, It’s a Wonderful Life
6 Stanley Donen-Take Me Out to the Ballgame (most sources insist that he really was the director, not Bugsy Berkley), On the Town, Singing in the Rain, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, Charade, Bedazzled
6 Stanley Kramer-Defiant Ones, Inherit the Wind, Judgment at Nuremberg, It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad Wold, Ship of Fools, Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner
6 Barry Levinson-Tin Men, Rain Man, Sleepers, Good Morning Vietnam, Man of the Year, Wag the Dog
6 Mel Brooks-Spaceballs, High Anxiety, Young Frankenstein, The Producers, Blazing Saddles, History of the World Part I
6 Roland Emmerich-ID4, Stargate, The Patriot, Day After Tomorrow, 2012, White House Down
6 Gore Verbinski-Pirates of the Caribbean 1–3, Weatherman, The Mexican, Rango
6 Brett Ratner-After the Sunset, Rush Hour 2, Family Man, X-Men 3, Red Dragon, Tower Heist
6 Frank Oz-Bowfinger, In and Out, Stepford Wives, The Score, What About Bob, Housesitter
6 Peter Segal-Naked Gun 33 1/3, Tommy Boy, My Fellow Americans, Anger Management, 50 First Dates, Get Smart
6 Stanley Kubrick-The Shining, Spartacus, Lolita, Eyes Wide Shut, Paths to Glory, Dr. Strangelove
6 David O Russell-Three Kings, I Heart Huckabees, Silver Linings Playbook, American Hustle, Joy, Amsterdam

6 Elia Kazan-A Face in the Crowd, Gentleman’s Agreement, Pinky, Lust for Life, Viva Zapata, East of Eden

6 John Ford-Stagecoach, The Searchers, The Hurricane, How Green was my Valley, The Whole Town’s Talking, My Darling Clementine

6 Shaun Levy-Cheaper by the Dozen, Big Fat Liar, Pink Panther, Night at the Museum 2, The Internship, Free Guy

5 Orson Welles-Citizen Kane, Lady of Shanghai, Othello, Magnificent Ambersons, Touch of Evil
5 Tony Scott- Enemy of the State, Déjà Vu, Crimson Tide, Top Gun, Taking of Pelham 1,2,3
5 George Lucas-Star Wars I-IV, American Graffiti
5 Peter Weir-Witness, Dead Poet’s Society, The Truman Show, Master and Commander,Year of Living Dangerously
5 Blake Edwards-A Shot in the Dark, Pink Panther, Return of the Pink Panther, Great Race, What Did You Do in the War Daddy
5 Sydney Pollack-Sabrina, Out of Africa, Tootsie, The Interpreter, Slender Thread
5 Robert Rodriguez-El Mariachi Trilogy (Once Upon a Time in Mexico), Spy Kids and Lava Girl, Sin City
5 Curtis Hanson- LA Confidential, Wonderboys, In Her Shoes, Lucky You, 8 Mile
5 Barry Sonnenfeld-Men in Black I, MiB II, Wild Wild West, Big Trouble, MiB III
5 Cameron Crowe-Almost Famous, Jerry MaGuire, Vanilla Sky, Elizabethtown, We Bought a Zoo
5 Joel Schumacher-Time to Kill, 8 MM, Batman and Robin, Batman Forever, The Client
5 John Glenn-5 Bond films
5 Tom Shadyac-Liar Liar, Bruce Almighty, Patch Adams, Evan Almighty, Ace Ventura
5 John Lynn-Whole Nine Yards, Trial and Error, Sgt Bilko, Whole Ten Yards, My Cousin Vinny
5 Bobby Farrelly-Kingpin, Dumb and Dumber, Fever Pitch, Shallow Hal, Osmosis Jones
5 Jon Favreau-Elf, Iron Man, Iron Man 2, Cowboys and Aliens, Chef
5 Christopher Guest-For Your Consideration, Mighty Wind, Best in Show, Waiting for Guffman, Mascots
5 Ernst Lubitsch-Shop Around the Corner, Ninotchka, Merry Widow, Trouble in Paradise, To Be or Not to Be
5 Jake Kadsan-Orange County, Walk Hard, Bad Teacher, Jumaji, Jumanji 2
5 Spike Lee-Do the Right Thing, Bamboozled, 25th Hour, School Daze, Blackkklansman
5 Alexander Payne-Election, Sideways, Descendants, Nebraska, Downsizing

5 Sam Raimi-Spiderman 1–3, Oz: The Great and Powerful, Dr Strange and the Multiverse

5 Richard Linklater-School of Rock, Bernie, Fast Food Nation, Me and Orson Welles, Where’d You Go Bernadette