Suggested Olympic Tweaks by Sport

 

Surfing-The idea of making the Olympics more groovy through the addition of surfing culture is pretty solid. I’m sure we can find some great Jeff Spicolo types to do for the Summer Olympics what Shaun White or Chloe Kim do for the Winter games. The problem is how do you control Mother Nature? Does everyone get the same size waves? It also looks indiscernible to the layman what the difference between winning and losing looks like. It seems like everyone stays afloat for a few seconds and crashes. Honestly, the scoring seems as arbitrary as that episode of Batman where the Joker challenges Batman to a surf-off.

Weightlifting-No offense, but I’ve never been that impressed with the people who just brag about how much they can bench. I didn’t get a chance to see this one, but is that all this sport is? If so, this seems more like a supplement to a Jersey Shore reality show rather than something I want to see in the Olympics. Besides, I’m guessing there are only two things that happen: You either can or can’t lift the bar bell. Where’s the drama in that?

Photo by Vladimir Fedotov on Unsplash

Marathon Swim-Yes, it’s super-admirable to swim 10km out in the open ocean. But for god’s sakes, don’t put the entirety of the 10 km on TV. With the exception of the last 500 meters, every point in the race looks like every other point in the race. If anything, the picturesque sight of these swimmers traversing the open ocean is photographic is better suited as a photographic screensaver than video form. Maybe just have them pose for a photo shoot and put them on a water taxi bound towards the end of Tokyo harbor and have them duke it out at the end. No one will know the difference.

Decathlon/Heptathlon-The winner of this is event is considered the world’s best athlete but in reality, the event is mostly about achieving mediocrity across the board. The athletes’ marks in each event are generally what would get them a walk-on spot on a mid-major Division I team. So for starters, let’s ease up on the hype.

The other problem is that each event is looong with a capital L-O-O-O-O-N-G. Why go through a full high jump and full pole vault competition? This means you’re watching 25ish competitors find the Goldilocks distance where it’s not too easy but not too hard to jump over the bar. Why six javelin throws. I get that it’s exciting to exhaust the competitors so that they hobble through a mile at the end so that they’re times are comparable to DIII walk-ons, but let’s not exhaust the audience.

Shotput- Is it me or is the competitor getting a hickey from a steel bowling ball? I feel like this event was just the beta testing for all the cooler things we could throw (i.e. large steel yo-yos, steel frisbees, spears). Maybe we can replace the shotput with something cooler like a watermelon (and smash it a la Gallagher) or axes?

Fencing-it’s a moderately exciting sport but shouldn’t style matter? The competitors look like they’re fighting for scraps of garbage on the version of Earth that Wall-E takes place in? Instead of dressing up like 22nd century microwave meals, why not cosplay like Musketeers?

Mountain Biking-Love this sport. In fact, I even watched about 50 minutes of the replay on Peacock. However, it’s kind of odd that when a biker gets a flat tire or something else is wrong with the bike, they just sit there and pout while waiting for a replacement or I don’t know what they’re doing. Can we have a spare bike or pit crew?

Photo by Valerie Fomina on Unsplash

Equestrian-The only thing that can be done with horses that closely resembles sport is racing those horses against each other. Traditionally, when that happens the jockeys are tiny and the horses get the credit. Did equestrian form so that the big boys and girls could play with horses in a competitive way and not have to go fast?

Trampoline-Yes, it’s fun to jump on a trampoline but there’s no way this isn’t gymnastic’s bastard cousin. In gymnastics, you have to prove yourself capable of flipping, holding yourself up with massive upper body strength, and artistic routine, timing your movement and landing so that — God forbid — your feet don’t move. In trampoline, you just jump with childish glee. You don’t even have to dismount or land properly. It’s almost if the judge is paying as much attention as a teenage lifeguard at the Ramada Inn.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Archery-I was excited to see this before I realized it was people doing the same thing over and over and over. Just add a little variety and I think you’ll see some results. The basics are moving the target but, hey, this is a humor article, so I’m not in the business of sensible ideas. How about: 1) Giving your opponent liberty to distract you three times a match 2) Having a dry round, a tipsy round, and a blackout drunk round 3) Offering free drinks if you can finish all your arrows in under two minutes 4) Shooting an apple off a loved one’s head to break a dead heat (although the Swiss might run away with that one)

Synchronized Swimming-You would think this is an easy target for a humor article, but I actually didn’t find much wrong with this at all. It’s one of the most ridiculous combinations of things — being underwater and group dancing — -but somehow it works.

Photo by Jonathan Chng on Unsplash

Track and Field (All women’s events)-I kind of understand the spirit of wearing a bathing suit in beach volleyball. However, It simply can’t be comfortable running in your underwear. Are women, coaches, and the sport collectively ok with this?

Mixed 4 X 4 Relay-Do we have to keep finding ways to reward sprinters with more events? This is just plain unimaginative. We know it’s the same thing. If you’re going to add something, distance medley relays are often the most exciting event in track or even a sprint medley relay.

Field Hockey-This sport gets a thumbs up from me but it surprisingly has the same problem as ice hockey which is I often can’t see the ball. This also has a reverse problem of penalties as soccer does. As opposed to soccer which goes into penalties too often on account of low scores, penalties truly are a last ditch resort as the scores are generally higher. The problem is that unlike soccer, the penalties are twice as exciting as the field play. As a result, we need to amp up the level of excitement in regular time so we’re not rooting for penalties.

Race Walking-I’ll give credit to this sport for the charming 1966 film “Walk Don’t Run”, but this is what 70-year-olds do at a retirement community when they’re trying to get to the early bird special. In no way, shape, or form is this remotely a dignified way to earn a gold medal. Considering, it’s not contested on the professional track circuit or the NCAAs why haven’t the Olympics wised up and dropped this event?

My World Cup History, a quiz, and two articles of mine

The World Cup is here! I am not a year-round soccer watcher (sidenote: Does the AP style guide have any advice on soccer vs football if writing for an audience that is predominantly American?) but I have such a humongous history with this sporting event.

When I was in elementary school in 1994, my Nicaraguan housekeeper (a mother figure that I still keep in touch with to this day) first lived in our house when she came over because we sponsored her Visa. I used to go to her room to use her TV because I never had one and we would watch the World Cup on her bed. One of the first things I learned in Spanish was the names of the 24 countries that were playing that year as well as terms like "tierra de esquina" (corner kick). And of course, Andreas Cantor's famous "Gooooooooolll!."

In 1998, as I was approaching high school, my parents sent me down to live with my grandparents for the summer in the Florida Keys and we would watch the World Cup every day. There was a language barrier between us because my grandparents were born in Iran which was ironic because the US and Iran played that year. My grandparents also lived in Germany for several years and Germany was in the US-Iran group. I still remember nearly every score and group drawing of that year twenty years later.

In 2002 when the World Cup was in South Korea and Japan, I studied abroad in Mexico which took sports spectatorship to a new level. I would be awakened on days that Mexico played at either 2 or 5 AM with pots and pans clanking and bells ringing as well as people running down the street. The results of every game from the second round on went the exact opposite of the way I wanted them to go. When US upset Mexico to make the quarterfinals, what might have been nice if I was in the US at the time suddenly became tragic. I also hated South Korea, Turkey, England and Brazil and those were the teams that won everything.
In 2010, I was inspired by the World Cup to start playing pickup soccer which became a hobby of sorts for at least a couple years.

I recently wrote two articles previewing the World Cup for the Weekly Standard and have been invited to pitch at Slate and probably can pitch again for the Weekly Standard so let's see if I can write some more.

In the interim, enjoy this quiz I made of players who have scored four or more goals since 1998. It's a good way to catch up on recent World Cup history

The 16 2018 Pyeongchang Winter Olympics Athletes That Impressed me the Most

I can loosely be described as a Winter Olympics obsessive. I grew up in a skiing family (other families took vacations to the beach or camping, we took our big vacations to the Rockies) with a father who owned a condo in Lake Placid, attended the 1980 Olympics and raced. I was similarly on a club racing team in college (not particularly good at the two disciplines I raced: It's an extremely frustrating sport I'd describe as playing a game of chess against gravity with very little time to think about how to make each move) and have dabbled in terrain parks and cross-country skiing (I don't know how to do most of the stuff these Olympians do if you're looking for tips), but I mostly forget to watch these great sports in the off-years. When the Olympics come around, I'm suddenly hooked on this stuff like it never left:

Here's my list of athletes that impressed me the most with the disclosure that I'm watching from a US-centric perspective:

1. Ester Ledecka-CZE Republic-Alpine Skiing (Super G) & Snowboard (Parallel Giant Slalom)-Ledecka wanted to make history as the first snowboarder to compete in a ski race. She never finished above 19th in a World Cup race and she borrowed someone else's skis and ended up winning Gold in the Super-G in a win so unexpected that NBC had switched over the broadcast and the NBC broadcasters only issued a half-apology saying it was "extremely unlikely" she'd make a medal podium. Her own reaction to winning was even more apropos.

 Credit: The Guardian

2. Martin Fourcade-FRA-Biathlon-For my money, the most dominant performance of the games. He came through in the clutch, he handled the lead, he took the relay baton and won from there, he eked out a photo finish. He started his Olympic performance in terrible shape and it was easy to believe that the four-time medalist would evaporate but he dominated the next event. He also came back from a fall and a series of misses in the mass start to win by 0.19 seconds. Biathlon was constantly airing during the day whenever I'd turn off the TV and I had the opportunity to watch a lot of athletes shoot. Maritn Fourcade stands out visibly: He has pure ice when he shoots.

Credit: Frontier Parisians

3. Chloe Kim-USA-Snowboarding Half-Pipe-Part of this is the narrative: An assimilated 2nd generation South Korean succeeding in an Olympics in South Korea. Kim is a media-friendly personality and a South Korean who navigates both cultures well: When my slightly conservative mom didn't like the blond streaks in her hair but was impressed with her interviews, I knew Kim was onto something. Under big pressure, Kim dominated her event with a 93.75 out of 100, and then when the Gold was assured, she turned her encore into an epic mic drop with a score of 98.25. Insane!

Credit: NBCOlympics.com

4. Jessie Diggins-USA-Cross-Country Skiing-Watching her battle it out in five events and come so close to making history as the first American to medal in a Nordic-dominant sport was heart-breaking. She soldiered through three individual events where she was achingly close to the medals (5th, 6th, and 5th) and skied the anchor to a relay that collapsed on the first two legs. In a staggered event (because people start at different intervals, when you cross the finish line doesn't equate with final standing), she skied herself to exhaustion against the clock and came in within 3 seconds of the bronze . In the sprint relay, Diggins not only made the podium but one the freakin' thing with teammate Kikkan Randall. She then competed in a 6th event-the 50k (basically a marathon but probably more puke-inducing)- finishing 7th. Quite an aerobic workout.

Credit: Voanews.com

5. Marcel Hirscher-AUT-Alpine Skiing (technical events)-If not for his slalom blunder, he could have been the most dominant guy in the games. I was partially influenced by hearing how meticulous and dominant he has been and how to approach a slope. He won golds in combined and giant slalom and flirted with the idea of being the first person since 1992. He flirted with the idea of being the first man since 1968 to earn 3 Golds in the same Olympics.

Credit: www.STL.news

6. Mikaela Shiffrin-USA-Skiing- Fourth, second, and first through three events Alpine events. If you were one of the people calling her performance a failure, go away. Because you're not seeing your competitors as you're skiing down, skiing is a sport with a humongous variation and Shiffrin largely kept her nerves, was a menacing threat in everything she raced, and should be applauded for her strategic decisions (dropping the downhill to focus on Combined). She's incredibly consistent in a skiing program that today just doesn't compare to the Austrians, Swiss, Italians, French or Norwegians.

Credit: Fox News

7. Yun Sung-bin AKA Iron Man-SKOR-Skeleton-The 23-year-old has swag galore and dominated his event like nothing I've seen. He had the fastest time on all his runs and set a track record. This is a guy who rose to 5th in the world rankings within a year of first picking up the sport. He's a fast learner and a fast slider.

8. Nathan Chen-USA-Figure Skating-The AV Club did an inventory on fictional champions in sports films who don't actually win at their sport. The sports world needs more of these stories to show us the listen that we were always told in little league but never applied as sports spectators in adulthood: "It's not whether you win or lose but how you play the game." Nathan Chen didn't medal but he came so close from so far away with such an unquestionably extraordinary performance. Few times have American sports fans been happier with a fifth place finish.

Credit: LA Times

9. Sven Kramer-HOL-Speed Skating (distance)-Remember all the hype about Shani Davis trying to win three golds back-to-back. Kramer did it here leading another all-Dutch sweep. He's a nine-time medalist with a boatload of other claims to being among the greatest ever at his sport. He failed to do much else, falling out of the medals in the 10000 m, a disappointing bronze in the team, and failing which places him a little lower than expected. Still, three golds consecutively in the same event is exceedingly rare. No American male has never done this.

Credit: JapanTimes.com

10. Shaun White-USA-Snowboard Halfpipe-On his last run, White catapulted back into Gold with a run of 97.25 out of 100. Near perfection under pressure. White is the first male American to win 3 Golds in separate Olympics. Also worth noting, he did this non-consecutively (4th in Sochi). Love him or hate him, that's pretty amazing to be at such a high level for 12 straight years.

Credit: BaltimoreSun

11. Marit Bjeorgen-NRW-Cross-Country Skiing-Now the most accomplished athlete in history, Bjeorgen owns eight gold medals and fifteen overall. At 37, she had ten medals and her age left doubts over how much damage she could do against Bjorn Dahllie who previously held the record at 13. She anchored the 4 X 5 km medley relay's hopes as an underdog and won the grueling 30km mass start.

Credit: FIS

12. Aksel Lund Svindal-NRW-Alpine Skiing (speed)-For someone who gets so electrified by watching this sport, I should pay attention to it more often. But even though I tune out in the off-years I have remembered the name Aksel Lund Svindal back to the mid-2000s. This guy has been dominant forever through World Cups and Olympics and what a great swan song to come back from injuries debilitating enough to prevent him from doing any slaloms (greatly decreasing his possible medal count) to be able to win the Gold. At 35, he is the oldest alpine skiing medalist ever. Maybe there's hope for me at a year younger to make an Olympics podium. The camaraderie between Svindal and his Norweigan teammates was also touched upon in the broadcasting and in articles: The guys have a "no jerks allowed" rule and eat meals together where they turn off their cell phones beforehand...can you imagine that level of intimacy?? 

Source: CNN.com

13. Jamie Anderson-USA-Snowboard Big Air and Slopestyle-This freewheeling personality defended her title in slopestyle and took silver in big air tying her with Shaun White and Kelly Clark being the only other to win three medals in one Olympics. She's also quite the hippie.

14. The Late Steve Holcomb-USA-Bobsledding-One of the most gooey stories of the Games was from a guy who wasn't even there. Steve Holcomb piloted the bobsled to an improbable Gold in 2010 and died this past May. He must have been quite the personality because every bobsledder and luger has been sobbing when his name came up. If anyone's positive effect on his or her peers was portrayed through the inspirational background videos, it was this guy. His mom was at the games and watching the other athletes hug her mom filled me up with all sorts of goo as well.

15. Red Gerard-USA-Snowboarding Slopetsyle-This 17-year-old from Colorado with a huge family on site was adorable. His winning run was a work of art. The first US Gold medalist in the Olympics, he had time to fly to the US, work the talk show circuit, and come back in time for a Big Air event where he made the final 12. Sadly he doesn't have red hair but his name seems fitting in an old-school kind of way. Also, look at that hat!

16. Anna Gasser-AUT-Snowboarding Big Air-Her duel with Jamie Anderson and winning run was just a "you had to be there" moment. Gasser came back from a deficit to catch Anderson on the last run with one of the most incredible things I've ever seen. Also for fun, watch this photo mash-up (part of which is seen below) of Gasser's jump.

Credit: NY Times

60 Greatest Summer Olympian Heroes in History

A highly debatable (so let the debate begin! comment section open for business) list of the greatest Summer Olympians. This wasn't too hard to do because I'm an Olympics erudite and whenever the Olympics comes around, I always get into it and start reading books of past Olympics. These athletes are judged by how much of an impact they had on the sport and how much they inspired (i.e. a hometown favorite lifting up his country), the degree to which they succeeded, the sheer talent and athleticism they displayed, and the challenges they overcame.

1. Jim Thorpe, T&F-Multievent, USA, 1912-An incredibly talented athlete in everything he did from baseball to football to every track event on the field. Spontaneously entered the high jump and placed 4^th  while not fully rested from his other events.
2. Jesse Owens, T&F, USA, 1936-Bested Hitler’s vision of the Aryan race, won the hearts of many including his German competitors. Long remained an ambassador to the sport.
3. Michael Phelps, Swimming, USA, 2004-2012-Evidence is right there if you’ve been watching the past 4 years
4. Carl Lewis, T&F, USA, 1984-1996-Dominant through four Olympics amassing impressive golds in 4 events.
5. Mildred Babe Diedrikson, T&F, USA, 1932-Competed in events as diverse as javelin, hurdles and high jump, setting world records in all of them as well as the 100 meter dash. Also considered the country's best golfer.
6. Mark Spitz, Swimming, USA, 1968-1972-Won every event he entered in Munich with a World Record after bombastically proclaiming he would beforehand. Might have won 8 if there was a 50-meter freestyle
7. Dream Team, Basketball, USA, 1992-A legendary assemblage of the best stars in the world created the best team in history. Never had to take a  
8. Nadia Comaneci, Gymnastics, Romania, 1976-Reached perfection with a perfect ten
9. Pavo Nurmi, T&F-Distance, Finland, 1920-1928-Extremely dominant over three games with events ranging from 1500 to 10,000 meters
10. Al Oerter, T&F-Discus, USA, 1956-1968-Only athletics star to win a medal in the same event four times in a row. Never was the favorite, and had overcome such extreme pain from an accident in one of his Olympics that he had to sit down between throws.
11. Abebe Bikila, T&F-Marathon, ETH-1960-1964-First African distance star. Won the Marathon twice barefoot.
12. Greg Louganis, Diving, USA, 1984-1992-Became a global icon. Unbeatable in his event. He had one of the most dramatic dives in 1988 when he hit his head on the board in a flubbed dive, mended it up in stitches, came back the next day and won gold.
13. Fanny Blankers-Koen, T&F, HOL, 1948-A mother who wasn’t even at her peak (she was 33 years old) when she won 4 events in hurdling and sprinting. Also held world records in the long jump and high jump
14. Usain Bolt, T&F-Sprinting, JAM, 2008-2012-You probably already know about his great performances in the Olympics, but there's also his effect outside of it. His presence on the track circut saved a number of struggling international track meets from extinction and boosted attendance considerably 
15. Larysa Latinya, Gymnastics, USSR, 1956-1964-Held the record for most medals before Phelps
16. Dawn Frasier, Swimming, AUS, 1956-1964-First female swimmer under a minute in 100 m events, first swimmer to win same event three times.   
17. Emil Zatopek, T&F, Distance, USSR/CZE, 1952-1956-Won both on the track and in the marathon  
18. Bob Matthias, T&F-Decathlon, USA 1948-1952-At 17, he was the youngest track and field champion to date, which doesn’t even count the degree of difficulty for someone to win a decathlon
19. Bob Beamon, T&F-Long Jump, USA, 1968-His jump in Mexico City bettered the world record by an incredible margin to 29+ feet. His record remained for 23 years.
20. Alberto Juantaronema, T&F-Middle Distance, CUB, 2000-Won the 400 AND 800 (entered the latter on somewhat of a whim) which is far more difficult than a 200-400 double.   
21. Michael Johnson, T&F-Sprinting, USA, 1996-2000-Won the 200-400 double. His 19.32 matches Bob Beamon as the most drastic world record in track. A well-marketed machine.
22. The Nichibo Girls, Volleyball, JPN, 1964-The pride of the Tokyo Olympics, they trained brutally trained 6 hours a day after work at a laundry factory where they had full-time jobs.
23. Wilma Rudolph, T&F-Sprinting, USA, 1960-Glamorous star and single mom overcame polio and scarlett fever with help from her supportive mom and 21 siblings.
24. Kerri Strug, Gymnastics, USA, 1996-Golden girl of Atlanta wins for home team despite a broken leg
25. Muhammed Ali, Boxing, USA, 1960-Boxing legend achieved most of fame after Olympics but showed off his brilliance and quick reflexes . Worth noting (at least by me, because I never knew it before) that he also showed great integrity by dumping his medal in the river (longer story than I have room to recount here)
26. Florence Griffith-Joyner, T&F-Sprinting, USA, 1988-Glamorous star of the Seoul games. Won a lot of events. She's idolized a lot today.
27. Ray Ewry, T&F-Jumping, USA, 1900-1908-Won 10 medals in early Olympics
28. Sebastian Coe & Steve Ovett, T&F-Middle Distance, GBR, 1980-1984-One of history’s most famous and productive rivalries led to the dropping of world records and one of the Games’ greatest comeback stories
29. Cathy Freeman, AUS, T&F-400, 2000-Emotional win for Australian Aborigines resolved the dark history of her nation and was the Sydney highlight  
30. Olga Korbut, Gymnastics, USSR, 1972-1976-Responsible for the transition of gymnastics from a sport of athleticism to a sport of beauty and grace
31. Kornelia Ender, Swimming, E. Germany, 1996-Won three team silvers at the Munich Games in 1972 at just 13 years of age. Won 4 more gols and a silver four years later
32. Haile Gabrielsalassie, T&F-Distance, ETH, 1996-2000-Had a couple of the most technically astonishing performances by a distance runner in an Olympic race
33. Matt Biondi, Swimming, USA, 1984-1992-Won 11 medals and 8 golds. His times in the 100 meter and 50 meter freestyle would likely still be good enough to make the Olympic teams nearly 20 years later.
34. Fu Mingxhia, Diving, CHN, 1992-2000-Won first Olympic competition at age 12, Won her first Gold at age 13, causing the Olympic committee to revise the rules  
35. Hachim el Garrouj, T&F-Distance, MAR, 2004-After two failed attempts the best miler in history emotionally captured the 2004 1500 and topped it off with a Gold in the 5K
36. Kristen Otto, Swimming, E. Germany, 1988-Went 6 for 6 in Seoul in her swimming events. 
37. Mia Hamm, Soccer/Football, USA, 1996-2004-The team captain and driving force behind the wave of dominance in US Soccer in the Olympics and the popularization of it in her country
38. Karoly Tasacks, Shooting, HUN, 1948-1952-Won repeat golds in his event despite having his hand maimed ten years earlier 1938. Persisted in Olympic dream for 12 years despite being declared ineligible in 1936
39. Nikolay Andrianov, Gymnastics, USSR/Romania, 1972-1980-Won 15 medals with an all-around victory in 1976
40. Johnny Weismuller, Swimming, USA, 1924-1928-Won 5 medals in 1924 and 1928, and also won a bronze for the 1924 water polo team. Later became Tarzan.
41. Hannes Kolenheim, T&F-Distance, FIN, 1912-1920-A vegetarian bricklayer of extraordinary athletic prowess (he'd regularly cross-country ski 100 kilometers to reach town in his youth) won three golds in track in 1912 and followed it up by switching over to the marathon in 1920 and becoming one of only 2 people to win both. A national hero, partially because he paid it forward by training Alben Stenroos: The other Finn to  win a marathon.
42. Nigerian Soccer Team, 1996-Half-fulfilled Pele’s prophecy of an African nation winning the World Cup before 2000
43. Stefi Graf, Tennis, GER, 1988-Inaugural tennis star completed career grand slam at the games
44. Mary Lou Retton, Gymnastics, USA, 1984-Scored a perfect 10 in front of the home crowd
45. Rafer Johnson & CK Yang, T&F-Decathlon, USA/TAIWAN, 1960, Two rivals from different cultures became great friends on the UCLA team and consulted the same coach for advice before medaling
46. Edwin Moses, T&F-Hurdles, USA, 1976-1984-Had a 9 year winning streak that stretched over two Olympics and could have stretched three, popularized the sport. Also a leader off the track as well.
    
47. Ian Thorpe, Swimming, AUS, 2000-The Torpedo was the pride of Australia. Won the most talented racing field in swimming history in 2004 (Phelps, von Hoogenband). Struggled a little with placement on this one because he did lose two big races in Sydney but many websites I consulted declare him at the top of best swimmers lists
48. Betty Robinson, T&F-Sprints, USA, 1928-Plucked from obscurity when someone saw her running towards a school bus, was the first female track star. Healthily won her events at a time when the Olympic Committee was considering banning women from running in the Olympics. They banned it anyway for 32 years but her accomplishments still hold up
49. Derrick Richmond, T&F-400, GBR, 1992-One of the most emotional moments of the Olympics where a man's defeat became a cause for celebration of the human spirit (see "Eric the Eel" as well)
50. Alexander Dityatin, USSR, Gymnastics, 1980-Gradually improved through three Olympics and came to Moscow with one of the most dominant performances even outshining counterpart Andrianov
51. Rowdy Gaines, Swimming, USA 1984-Was the best swimmer in the world in 1980 but missed his chance with the  boycott. Came back in 1984 in weaker shape but still pulled it together to win 3 golds. 
52. Armin Harry, T&F-Sprinting, W. GER, 1960-This guy was seriously unreal. Called the "blitz" and often accused of cheating, he had a reaction time of 4 hundredths of a second whereas his competitors had a reaction time of 12 hundredths of a second.
53. Kip Keino, T&F-Distance, KEN, 1968-1972-First African to break 4 minutes in the mile, won one of the greatest classical mile races ever and paved the way for other Africans to dominate. Spontaneously decided to run the steeplechase with little experience and won it
54. Jennifer Capriati, Tennis, USA, 1992-Child progidy had the tournament of her life before burning out and sinking out of the world ranks for 8 years. She defeated Aranxta-Sanchez Vicario on her home turf and upset Steffi Graf at the finals.
55. Sprydon Louis, Marathon, GRE, 1896-Won the inaugural marathon in under 3 hours, which wasn't bad for an event that had just been invented. His win was the only Gold for the home country and they were really counting on him
56. Don Schollander, Swimming, USA, 1964-Recorded the most Gold medals (4) in Tokyo Olympics and broke 3 world records at age 18. Because of this and because he was heading to Yale, was named athlete of the year by ABC's Wide World of Sports and the AP.
57. Peter von Hogenbond & Ingje de Bruijn, HOL, Swimming, 2000-2004-Both came on the scene strong for Holland in Sydney. PvH upset Ian Thorpe twice and beat Phelps in his only two losses in Athens. IdB won 8 medals and set 11 world records in 2000 leading up to 3 in Sydney, two of which still stand today 
58. Oscar Schwan, SWE, Shooting, 1912-1920-Oldest medalist in history. 72 when he won Silver in Antwerp. Also won in Stockholm. Look at pictures of him and you'll see a very fun-looking grizzled old man  
59. Misty May and Kerri Walsh, Beach Volleyball, USA, 2004-2012-Three-peated. Popularized the sport. Had a lot of fun
60. Sergei Bubka, USSR/UKR, T&F-Pole Vaulting, 1988-First pole vaulter to top 20 feet. This is kind of a big deal (a seeming physical impossibility) because the pole is 20 feet long. Despite being highly dominant in his sport and winning every world championship, he strangely failed to medal in 1992 and 1996 so he loses points there.

NOTES:

-I have a soft-spot for athletes who missed their chance in one Olympics and waited four long years to come back and complete their goal and I have an especially soft spot for athletes in 1948 who waited 12 years to compete in an Olympics.

-Also, people who did great things when they were young or especially old.

-The list is US-centric and focuses on the sports which get the most Olympic coverage. Part of the criteria is about impact and you can impact culture and inspire more if people are watching you on TV. In some cases, the volleyball team in Japan or the shooters each broke out of the bubbles of their sports to have a great impact. -There are a lot of swimmers in the 90's who all drift together in my memory and in their accomplishments: Janet Evans, Jenny Thompson, Summer Saunders, Amy van Dyken. It was really hard telling them apart. Perhaps, some of them are worthy

-I ran into a problem of how to rank certain people based on their performances in the Olympics verse outside of the Olympics. When in doubt (in sports like tennis, basketball or soccer), they always have to have done something especially notable in the Olympics. You also have problems of someone who might be notable in a sport that the Olympics were meant for like Sergei Bubka who didn't perform as perfectly in the Olympics as his record would expect

-Throw in some more suggestions. I might want to go to 100 and in the back of my mind have this idea to write a book on this.

-The book Complete History of the Summer Olympics and this website are both really big help:

http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/summer08/fanguide/athlete?athlete=9532

Analyzing the hate: Jeremy Wariner

Today, as a fun exercise, I thought I’d write something I strongly believe in that is also inherently ridiculous after which I try reasoning my way out of that ridiculous statement. My ridiculous statement today: I think Olympic track champion Jeremy Wariner is a ridiculous athlete and while I wouldn’t go so far as to say I hate him, I would actively root against him in a race. I know that seems ridiculous, and I doubt Jeremy Wariner himself is going to lose sleep after realizing I am not a big fan of his, but I am adamant that this is important because spectators are fans of athletes for different reasons and I often find that if I think really hard about why I like this team but not that team, I gain insight into how fan attachment works.

So who am I talking about? Jeremy Wariner was the Gold medalist in Athens in the 400 meter dash and silver medalist in Beijing. This year he finished 6^th in the Olympic trials and is on the team as a relay specialist. He’s hardly relevant, but, hey I didn’t have a blog in 2004 when I first had these thoughts, so suck it.

An easy reason to dislike Jeremy Wariner is that he’s decked out in a lot of “bling” (as the kids like to call it) when he runs. Specifically, he has big flashy earrings, sunglasses, necklaces and the like.

This isn’t really a strong reason to dislike him although it doesn’t make me particularly fond of him either. If anything it distracts from the true issues at stake which is my feelings towards Jeremy Wariner. It’s as if he’s saying to me “Orrin, I know you’re unsure whether you like me or not, but does this 24-karat necklace and this diamond-studded earring change your mind? Pretty cool jewelry I’m wearing, huh?” I also think it would be distracting for Jeremy himself to run around the track adorned like 50 Cent. Doesn’t that slow him down? I wonder if given the choice, he’d also opt to have an entourage running follow him in adjoining lanes as well. But I mostly leave that out of the equation: If Jeremy Wariner wants to get all dressed up for me, that’s his business.

Another slight issue at stake is that Jeremy Wariner went to Baylor University and is very likely from Texas. He came on the scene at the height of George W. Bush’s unpopularity. I’m not suggesting that disliking everyone who became famous in 2004 from the state of Texas is rational but the beauty of being a sports fan is you don’t need rationality for deciding who to like. I only knew that whenever Jeremy Wariner spoke in his Texas drawl in celebration of his victory a mere two months before another man in a Texas drawl was threatening to win another four years in office, I did not like it.

But the main reason I dislike Jeremy Wariner is that after he won his medal, he gave a press conference in which he hired Michael Johnson* as his agent and said that he wanted to go professional. He said his goals were to be the best in the world and to break 44 seconds. I know this seems like a harmless act: To say that you want to be the best in the world seems like the thing you’re supposed to say.   

Except for this: He was proclaiming his goals to be things he’d already done. He just became the best in the world when he won the Gold medal and he had already broken 44 seconds in the 400 meter dash. It’s a minute difference. He could have just said “I want to continue to stay on top” rather than “I want to be on top” but his lapse was representative of his high degree of automation when answering all the other questions he was asked. All of his answers to questions were designed to be “the right answer” and, even worse, the questions he was being given weren’t particularly hard questions to answer, which made this lapse stick out even more.

When Jeremy Wariner was giving this press conference, it was a couple weeks before I became the beat writer for James Madison University’s cross-country and track teams. I found the sport highly exciting to watch but I came across the conundrum when interviewing that I was mostly asking questions to which I already knew the answers simply because I needed a minimum of three different sources for an article. If you ask athletes about their motivation, it’s obviously to have wanted to win the race or the boxing match or whatever it is they were trying to do. They also are not complete idiots so they won’t badmouth teammates or coaches. It’s not like I was necessarily looking to be Jerry Springer, but these restrictions mean that an athlete can’t discuss their process or team’s organization in any critical way. In the case of Wariner, he seems to not just play the game but almost believe he’s actually saying interesting things in a press interview which he isn’t.

Secondly, I don’t really admire Wariner’s goals. For the last eight years, since proving that he can do this, Wariner has devoted himself to running a lap around the track faster than anyone else in the world. That he hasn’t succeeded in doing this (a silver in Beijing is close enough) is beyond the point. I think it’s a shoddy goal. Now I know what you’re thinking: What about a person who remains a world-class distance runner or sprinter over the span of three Olympics like Hachim El Garrouj or Allyson Felix?

A sprinter is admirable because they’re pushing the limits of how fast a human being can go. Distance running is a sport of a thousand variables. Watch some professional-level 800 meter races and you’ll notice that even though the runners will usually finish in a 3 second range (1:44-1:46.99 although a small handful of people in the world go under 1:44 in any given year and some guy in Kenya ran 1:41), no two races go the exact same way.

Running a 400 meter race looks exactly the same every time. Jeremy Wariner goes fast after the gun fires, stays fast, and finishes ahead of everyone. When Wariner was second in the world behind LaShawn Merritt, it was the same thing except Merritt would be ahead of him when he crossed the line. There was no suspense or excitement in watching it and it’s not that much of a leap to assume that there’s little suspense or excitement running this.

As a former track runner, I can testify that running a 400 is a unique and difficult challenge because you can’t sprint the entire distance leaving you to ration your energy (although if I’m a world class athlete, I would imagine this problem is less severe). But I imagine that challenge would have been conquered a long time ago. Wariner is the equivalent to me of an actor who wants to be typecast in the same role over and over again or a desk jockey who doesn’t want to expand past his original job description. I personally just can’t see how what he’s doing could be continually challenging.

Why don’t I feel this way about LeShawn Merritt or other 400 runners? The only other 400-meter runner I know of is LeShawn Merritt and he has professionally run the 200 and 300 and I happen to know in high school he ran the 300, 500, and 55 meter dash as well. Past that, I would be just as willing to look down upon the other 400 runners if I knew that they lacked the same determination to challenge themselves for eight years in a way that was, in fact, not at all challenging.

So there you have it.

*Michael Johnson is a guy I also dislike. The first summer Olympics I really got into was Atlanta in 1996 and Michael Johnson was the poster boy of that Olympics. He was supposedly incredible because he was doing something that had never been done before: Winning both the 200 and the 400. Once, I started running track and following the sport, I realized that this all is really not that big of a deal at all. Aside from the 100-200, 300-500 (indoors), 5K-10K or 1600-3200 doubles, 200-400 is a very common double to achieve. They’re both essentially long sprinting events. The most challenging double is really 400-800 and a Cuban runner did achieve this in Montreal 1976. The only reason Michael Johnson is more well-known is because we hate Cuba and also because of Johnson’s humongous marketing juggernaut team.

my own version of David Letterman's top ten lists

Lately, I've been working on my sense of humor and creativity. I've been submitting stuff to humor sites. I find that a lot of being funny in the written word comes down to phrasing. One exercise in creativity recently I've been doing is looking up the titles David Letterman's top ten lists at cbs.com's website and thinking of my own ideas.

Some of them I'm really good at thinking up endless ideas for. Others less so. I was kind of stumped with "top ten ways Barack Obama celebrated his birthday" or "top ten things going through Ellen Degeneres' mind"

Here are a couple I did recently. I suppose because I'm a basketball fan, and because I was a geography major and spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about the relationships between states, cities and federal government, I hit my stride with these two.

As I go to bed, I'll use the space between when I turn out the lights in a couple minutes and when I fall asleep to try to think of my version of Letterman's recent top ten list: "the top ten questions on the American Idol judge application"

Top ten signs your governor is losing it:
1. He rejects the stimulus funds, saying “No thanks, I can get Viagra for waaay less than that”
2. He pushes the state legislature to add Martians to the list of illegal aliens
3. In a bid raise state funds, auctions off the naming rights to the state capitol
4. Can’t pronounce the name of his own state and he’s not even Austrian
5. Has to be repeatedly be told by staff members that it’s not really feasible to conquer any neighboring states
6. Unaware that he’s entitled to the governor’s mansion, he stays at the Days Inn to save money
7. His reelection campaign motto is “At least I stayed until the end of my term (hint, hint: Sarah Palin)”
8. Recently Joined the birther movement.
9. Dismissed the state highway commissioner because he wanted to see flying cars from Back to the Future
10. Vetoed the state budget because it wasn’t presented with any cool or easy-to-read graphs and charts

Top ten reasons LeBron James joined the Miami Heat:
1. I wanted to be closer to my Hispanic roots. My real name is actually LeBron Jaime
2. You mean Miami isn’t in Ohio? (Play on Miami University which is in Oxford, Ohio)
3. I really feel like there's a budding bromance between me and Mario Chalmers
4. None of the players are attractive enough that my mom would sleep with them
5. Cleveland has the rock and roll hall of fame but I’m more of a salsa guy
6. I love the cuisine…especially the Chic-Fill-A at the Miami Airport
7. Miami Sea Aquarium gave me a 15% discount on admission
8. I was tired of playing second fiddle to Jamario Moon. In Miami, I might be the best player on the court
9. I would say I was making the best decision for me and my kids, but let’s be honest….my kids are easily pleased when they have a dad who can afford to buy them millions of dollars worth of presents, so it was pretty much me, me and me
10. Pat Reilly promised me if I don’t tell anyone, he’ll let me fly the team plane