Sketch: If Three Casual Jodie Foster fans decided to unknowingly replicate the Reagen assassination attempt

This is an attempt at some dark humor. One event that my generation probably doesn't know much about (because it was too recent to be on our AP US History tests) is that Ronald Reagan got shot at the Washington Hilton by a mentally ill John Hinckley who became obsessed with Jodie Foster after watching Taxi Driver 15 times. 

I'm not all about writing fiction but I've tried to dabble a little.

Team Jodie Foster

Characters: Sam, James, Kevin, Lisa

Sam, Kevin and Erin are watching TV as Lisa and James enter in the apartment.

Erin: I gotta say this film is really growing on me.

Kevin: Yeah, originally I was like what is this romance with this campaign worker, but then Jodi Foster started showing up and really has made this movie better 

Erin: Yeah, Jodi Foster is really the saving this movie.

Sam: You know, I’m going to go a step farther than that and say that Jodi Foster is totally saving our week. I was looking forward to movie night all week and think at how much this movie would’ve blown if Jodie Foster wasn’t in it.

Kevin: Totally

Sam: Maybe we should give her a shout-out on twitter.

Kevin: Yeah, good idea.

Sam: Oh wait, she’s not on twitter.

Kevin: Damn, I love her even more. She’s elusive, I like that

Sam: How about Instagram?

Kevin: (checking) Um, no

Sam: Snapchat, TikTok, BingBong, WingWong, Friendster, Sexster?

Kevin: No, no, no, no, no, and no

Sam: Hmmm, you know we should go big or go home. Let’s just shoot the president

Erin: What the hell?!?

Sam: Well, we don’t have to kill him. Just maybe shoot at him a little bit and not hit him in the critical areas. Besides, I get this strange feeling that Jodie Foster doesn’t like US presidents

Erin:  Are you seri----you know what? I think I can see that

Kevin: Hey guys, I got a problem with this. I like Joe Biden. I don’t want him to die.

Erin: Hmmm… well, we could shoot the last President

Kevin: Yeah, but everyone wants to kill the last President. It wouldn’t really be a good way to show our that we’re Team Jodie.

Erin: Ditto Ted Cruz.

Sam: I’ve gotta be honest with you, I’ve always wanted to do something violent against US Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack.

Kevin: Duh, no one likes Tom Vilsack. He currently wants to consolidate the seed industry in order to keep agriculture more competitive but some economists say that with the added impact from the bottom of the supply chain on up, it’s going to result in higher prices for consumers.

Sam: And he totally bungled his testimony at the latest congressional hearing on expediting processing plant speed in the pork industry

Erin: How many times have we been over this, you idiots, the responsibility for the six swine-processing plants that have reported a slowdown in production isn’t under the purview of the DOA but legislation written by congress under the Trump administration that has hampered the executive department’s ability to regulate such things as efficiency.

Kevin: Guys, I think we’re getting off track. So if Vilsack’s off the table, let’s think about someone else.

Sam: Oohh, how about President Reagan. 

Kevin: You know, I’m starting to think that just shoot anyone ex-president is a really, really bad idea

Sam: Huh, why not?

Kevin: Well, I read somewhere that you get in a lot of trouble for it, there’s like a word for it, I think it starts with an A. Assartilation. It’s like a crime or something.

Erin: And I feel like maybe we should go play pokemon instead. I don’t have the energy to go all the way to wherever it is that ex-presidents live.

Kevin: You know, a lot of the ex-presidents go to the Washington Hilton for the National Correspondent’s Press dinner, that’s not too much of a walk

Erin: OK, let’s do it if it’s not too long of a walk. And we can shout “Team Jodie!” or something. 

Kevin: Loving it.

Erin: So, what else do we need to do?

[James walks in the door]

James: Hey guys, what are you watching

Kevin: Taxi Driver

James: You know, my dad saw it in the 70s when it first came out

Kevin: Huh? This is an older movie?

James: Yeah, you couldn’t tell. I mean Jodie Foster’s a kid in this movie and Albert Brooks is like 70-something now

Sam: Wait, I’m looking it up…oh wait, Jodie Foster’s 58 years old

Erin: Ewww, she’s over the hill.

Sam: Yeah, I feel much less obsessed with her now that she’s old

Kevin: Hmmm, ok, next week instead of killing the president, let’s just play Pokemon Go

Erin: Yeah, seems much less bloody

(Erin, James, and Sam walk out)

Kevin: Yeah, I think I need new roommates

 

 

 

What I'm Watching September Update: Lost Symbol, AP Bio, Only Murders in the Building, The Premise review

 

Dan Brown’s The Lost Symbol (Peacock):  Dan Brown has pretty much the exact plot in every book with different details. But the devil’s in the details and he has some extremely thorough details and those details are his hook.

The thing is that Dan Brown has to invent an awful lot of dues-ex-machina situations in order to manufacture situation in which a stuffy Harvard intellectual (no matter how good looking) like Robert Langdon is called upon to save the world. I say “thing” and not “problem”, mind you, because the suspension of disbelief is a price we’ll gladly pay for the mind-blowing historical nuggets wrapped up in a James Bond-style adventure.

So with that said, this show will never earn points for originality or excellent screenwriting but it’s extremely comfortable as popcorn entertainment and I plan on gobbling it up. The cliffhangers also help and this adventure appears to be set (or at least) start in my hometown of Washington D.C. so I’m excited so far.

Only Murders in the Building (Hulu)-The best part of the show is the press interviews between the odd trio of Steve Martin, Martin Short and Selena Gomez. Unfortunately, that’s not part of the show itself which is surprisingly mediocre.

It’s a shame because Martin Short and Steve Martin are generally can’t-miss propositions and the idea of three amateur podcasters solving a murder plot involves a healthy degree of serialization.

So why is this so boring? For one, the actual murder isn’t something that’s particularly engaging.  The idea is that one of the three members (Gomez) of this makeshift sleuthing team was a childhood friend of the murder victim but the show only commits to that angle half-heartedly.

Another problem with the show is that it feels awfully insiderish. “Only Murders in the Building” is set in a pretty insular Manhattan world and two of the three characters are aging showbiz archetypes. I’m on record as feeling pretty sated by sitcom characters who are in show business so this isn’t drawing me any closer. The show tries to mine pathos from Martin and Short’s characters as two old men looking back on their lives from the perspective of their twilights but there are character arcs are pretty predictable.

As for reasons to keep watching, Amy Ryan plays a love interest to Steve Martin and the chemistry is genuinely sweet between these two. Additionally, there’s a very high probability that Steve Martin or Amy Ryan will do something funny considering that’s what they’ve been doing for most of their lives.

What We Do in the Shadows (FX)-This has been reviewed previously, but this show continues to fire on all cylinders. At its best, you have home run episodes like The Casino or the one where Nandoor picks up the same girl in the gym three times. 

 

 

The Premise (FX)-BJ Novak’s anthology series is an attempt to dramatize hot button issues through scenarios in which characters have to make difficult choices. Through the first three episodes, the series has been a little tonally inconsistent and hasn’t always been rewarding but the general nuts and bolts of a good idea is there.

In the first episode, a socially conscious white person (Ben Platt) has to humiliate himself in court to free a black person from an unlawful arrest. It’s a direct nod to George Floyd or Michael Brown or all that.  It successfully puts a character in a tight spot though it probably splits viewers along where you stand on the degree to which white allies need to be tested on their allyship.  Either way it’s provocative.

The second episode features a new hire (Jon Bernthal) for an expy of the National Rifle Association. He seems like a loyal foot soldier to the cause but he might or might not be secretly wanting to blow up the place. This is more of a guessing game (the character already knows what they’re going to do) than a provocative morality tale.

The third episode is about a pop star (Lucas Hedges) who wants to inspire his high school alma mata (and perhaps do a little performance art) by offering to sleep with the valedictorian. It’s a fine commentary on the commodification of sex in society. Beside one jarring scene in which two of the candidates exposition the hell out of what the audience is supposed to think, this is the best of the three.

AP Bio (Peacock): Show runner Michael Patrick O’Brien has done such a fantastic job world-building over the first three seasons, that I can’t imagine myself ever getting bored with this show. As I’ve written about plenty of times before, this is a brilliant and endlessly fun show about a high school teacher who initially goes out of his way to be beyond redeemable before his better angels win out (often before each episode’s conclusion) and features an extremely deep bench of quirky students, fellow teachers, and one helluva needy prinicipal (Patton Oswalt).

The problem is the actress who plays Jack’s love interest Lynette got another gig that paid her more than the recurring guest star credit. It’s hard to hold that against the show, but they handle the transition poorly.

Lynette and Jack are vibing one episode, and the next, she’s being put on a bus. And to pour salt in the wound, Jack is dating someone else so fast? I understand the need to make sure good romantic plot lines are unused, but Elizabeth was uniquely twisted. The most twisted thing about the new love interest (Hayley Marie Norman) is that she has problems sabotaging her own relationships. But, make no mistake, she’s nowhere in Lynette’s league in terms of juvenile fun. Alderfer could sell you with her sly smile.

The show still has a great penchant for experimentation with a great Marcus episode in there.

 

Nine Perfect Strangers (Hulu)-This is a pretty dark anthology adapted from a novel that I wouldn’t be surprised is far better.

The cast features lots of heavy hitters including Melissa McCarthy, Michael Shannon, Nicole Kidman, Bobby Cannavale, and---wait, is that Jason Mendoza form “The Good Place”? Let me tell you, this show is pretty eerie by design, but seeing Manny Jacinto under the sex spell of Nicole Kidman is a new level of bizarre.

The story is about some wealthy clientele who go to a healing resort where their anxieties are treated to some unorthodox methods. It’s not too far off from the far superior “White Lotus” anthology series on in its “Vacation is Hell” theme. So yeah, watch “White Lotus” instead.

Miracle Workers: Oregon Trail (TBS)-Previously reviewed last month. It’s not the best season of this anthology but it is still worthwhile.

 The show gathered a little coherence by the end but it rarely had a stand-out episode. At times when the show was attempting to mine humor out of today’s commentary (using Todd’s alliance with Benny’s outlaw daughter as a stand-in for Trumpism), there was no subtlety. When the show didn’t approach hot-button issues from a perpendicular angle, there was a lot of breathing room for Simon Rich’s brilliance to shine through. When Prudence and Todd encounter the 19^th Century version of hipsters, there’s a lot that works because the show mixes up anachronisms between our modern lens and historical realities.