Tuesday, October 26, 2021

Sketch: If Three Casual Jodie Foster fans decided to unknowingly replicate the Reagen assassination attempt

This is an attempt at some dark humor. One event that my generation probably doesn't know much about (because it was too recent to be on our AP US History tests) is that Ronald Reagan got shot at the Washington Hilton by a mentally ill John Hinckley who became obsessed with Jodie Foster after watching Taxi Driver 15 times. 

I'm not all about writing fiction but I've tried to dabble a little.

Team Jodie Foster

Characters: Sam, James, Kevin, Lisa

Sam, Kevin and Erin are watching TV as Lisa and James enter in the apartment.

Erin: I gotta say this film is really growing on me.

Kevin: Yeah, originally I was like what is this romance with this campaign worker, but then Jodi Foster started showing up and really has made this movie better 

Erin: Yeah, Jodi Foster is really the saving this movie.

Sam: You know, I’m going to go a step farther than that and say that Jodi Foster is totally saving our week. I was looking forward to movie night all week and think at how much this movie would’ve blown if Jodie Foster wasn’t in it.

Kevin: Totally

Sam: Maybe we should give her a shout-out on twitter.

Kevin: Yeah, good idea.

Sam: Oh wait, she’s not on twitter.

Kevin: Damn, I love her even more. She’s elusive, I like that

Sam: How about Instagram?

Kevin: (checking) Um, no

Sam: Snapchat, TikTok, BingBong, WingWong, Friendster, Sexster?

Kevin: No, no, no, no, no, and no

Sam: Hmmm, you know we should go big or go home. Let’s just shoot the president

Erin: What the hell?!?

Sam: Well, we don’t have to kill him. Just maybe shoot at him a little bit and not hit him in the critical areas. Besides, I get this strange feeling that Jodie Foster doesn’t like US presidents

Erin:  Are you seri----you know what? I think I can see that

Kevin: Hey guys, I got a problem with this. I like Joe Biden. I don’t want him to die.

Erin: Hmmm… well, we could shoot the last President

Kevin: Yeah, but everyone wants to kill the last President. It wouldn’t really be a good way to show our that we’re Team Jodie.

Erin: Ditto Ted Cruz.

Sam: I’ve gotta be honest with you, I’ve always wanted to do something violent against US Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack.

Kevin: Duh, no one likes Tom Vilsack. He currently wants to consolidate the seed industry in order to keep agriculture more competitive but some economists say that with the added impact from the bottom of the supply chain on up, it’s going to result in higher prices for consumers.

Sam: And he totally bungled his testimony at the latest congressional hearing on expediting processing plant speed in the pork industry

Erin: How many times have we been over this, you idiots, the responsibility for the six swine-processing plants that have reported a slowdown in production isn’t under the purview of the DOA but legislation written by congress under the Trump administration that has hampered the executive department’s ability to regulate such things as efficiency.

Kevin: Guys, I think we’re getting off track. So if Vilsack’s off the table, let’s think about someone else.

Sam: Oohh, how about President Reagan. 

Kevin: You know, I’m starting to think that just shoot anyone ex-president is a really, really bad idea

Sam: Huh, why not?

Kevin: Well, I read somewhere that you get in a lot of trouble for it, there’s like a word for it, I think it starts with an A. Assartilation. It’s like a crime or something.

Erin: And I feel like maybe we should go play pokemon instead. I don’t have the energy to go all the way to wherever it is that ex-presidents live.

Kevin: You know, a lot of the ex-presidents go to the Washington Hilton for the National Correspondent’s Press dinner, that’s not too much of a walk

Erin: OK, let’s do it if it’s not too long of a walk. And we can shout “Team Jodie!” or something. 

Kevin: Loving it.

Erin: So, what else do we need to do?

[James walks in the door]

James: Hey guys, what are you watching

Kevin: Taxi Driver

James: You know, my dad saw it in the 70s when it first came out

Kevin: Huh? This is an older movie?

James: Yeah, you couldn’t tell. I mean Jodie Foster’s a kid in this movie and Albert Brooks is like 70-something now

Sam: Wait, I’m looking it up…oh wait, Jodie Foster’s 58 years old

Erin: Ewww, she’s over the hill.

Sam: Yeah, I feel much less obsessed with her now that she’s old

Kevin: Hmmm, ok, next week instead of killing the president, let’s just play Pokemon Go

Erin: Yeah, seems much less bloody

(Erin, James, and Sam walk out)

Kevin: Yeah, I think I need new roommates



 

 




 

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